She brushes my hair

and paints my nails

and says “this will make you feel better, Mum”.

She is, at least, up today

albeit with the grumpies

and I do feel better here.

We both do.

We’ve left the hospital  and our nights have been long and full of anxiety.

Hers because her heart hurts from having it beat at a too fast rhythm for too long,

because she can’t stop coughing

because her throat hurts and her ears hurt.

She just hurts.

Mine because,

well,

because I want to fix this and I can’t.

With the others, i can dose them up with medicine, tuck them in, feed them  up with soup and TLC and they get better.

I just can’t get it right with the girl.

Her cannula tissued forty eight hours in and my other kids needed me.

The doctor wasn’t about to  try to find another vein either.

Veins are hard to come by with Ivy.

So here we are  - she’s still not well

but I’m hoping we can do this.

I’m hoping she can.

Here’s to a better week.

For everyone.