My son, I wasn’t going to write about you this year.
Can you believe that?
After last year, I thought that I would just let the celebration of you, the pain of you
but I can’t.
I thought that I would want to do something big for your 10th birthday -
what would you have enjoyed, I wonder.
Your sisters suggested that ten was a time for laser tag and game park parties
or going bowling
or something like that.
We sat around the dinner table and pondered for a long time,
talked about memories of our own tenth birthdays and wondered how Ivy and Noah might spend theirs.
It was comforting.
I thought that I wanted butterflies on your birthday but it turns out I don’t.
What I want is to be with everyone
- so I can feel whole,
while I remember that a big piece of my heart is always missing.
I want the sunrise of your tenth year
and the sunset
because I can’t have you
and so, that is what we’re doing, my boy, to celebrate your tenth birthday.
I am going to walk along the beach and feel the wind whisper to me
about my blonde haired, long legged imaginings of you
and hope that I can see you in the clouds.
Happy birthday, Will.
I’m taking part in a challenge called 100 happy days – where you find happiness in each day.
The little things that make you smile and feel glad and grateful to be alive
because there is so much negativity on this blog of late,
I thought I might share some of it here.
This makes me happy: he is dyslexic and she reads well above her age.
He loves it when she reads to him, so she tells him that if he reads a page of his book to her, she will in turn read a page to him.
She never chastises him or becomes impatient when he stumbles and he never loses faith in himself because of it.
What things make you feel happy?