Three Ring Circus

So, in a fit of madness I agreed to letting the big girls have a sleepover.

I agreed way back in June but Ivy was in hospital.

Then I agreed over the last school holidays but Ivy was sick and four out of the seven kids came out in this weird rashy thing, so the sleepover was put on hold again.

The year is wearing on though and a deal is a deal.

So I agreed to Halloween night.

With a spooky theme.

The spookiest thing is that there will be twenty something tween and pre teens there.

It is  to scary.

I’ll be lucky to survive.

We don’t usually celebrate Halloween in the boonies. Aside from the occasional teenager who just wants to peg eggs, no matter how much you treat them, so this is quite a new thing for me to be planning.

The girls are all dressing up and we are going to play games, eat and watch a scary movie. ( I offered to come in and teach them how to dance, you know, Madonna Mummy style, with a ’stir the pot’ and a bit of the old ‘look at your watch’ moves thrown in but they were all..um…no, Mum, that’s okay. So, I guess we’ll make do with the other things).

Yeah, twenty something squealing girls, hyped up on sugar and pizza, watching a freaky film.

There will be little sleep at this sleepover, me thinks.

You think I’m crazy, right?

Right?

Well, there is method in my madness.

The deal (as mentioned above) is that the girls can have this big party, this spooky sleepover, in exchange for their first born child four years of peace.

Yep, no parties until the big twins turn 16.

What?

I don’t do teenagers well.

I just don’t understand them with all of their secret hand shakes and weird made up words and whatever it is that they do these days. “Macking on with their boy in the quad” and what not. “Hangin’ with their girls”.

“WhatEVA!” (The girls just told me it’s ‘Wot Eva’) *sigh* See what wot I mean?

So, I have scored some relief from the packs that they tend to travel in and by the time they are 16, maybe they will have settled into their skins and be sensible. Either that or I will have become deaf and blind so I don’t have to bare witness to any of it.

I know, I sound like a cow of a mother but hello, people, I was the bookhead, library geek in highschool. I just don’t get this whole popularity gig.

Trust me, it will be sanity saving for all of us.

This will probably be my last entry before the scary party. If I don’t make it out alive, I’ll see you all on the other side.

BOO…

hoo hoo.

We practiced make up last night. What do you think?

Posted on October 30th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Daily life, Immy, Lily, Maddy, children, motherhood | 25 Comments »

Ivy is having a bone density test tomorrow. I’m not even sure what that is but she needs one.

Apparently.

At least, according to the scribbled note, that was attached to the referral by my (almost) holidaying paed.

It was the first time ever he has had ‘doctor writing’. Man, he really needs that break.

Heh heh.

Anyone would  think he is trying to keep us busy over the next fortnight, judging by all the tests and consultant specialists he has requested.

Starting with the bone density scan.

The thing is, Ivy has to stay extremely still for ten minutes.

Can anyone tell me how I am going to do that?

Miss fidget pants can’t.

I’m thinking that I might have to resort to something medicinal to make her a little sleepy…

Do you think that would be classed as a form of child abuse?

Knocking your kid out for the sake of science?

Yeah, me too.

*sigh*

Perhaps a small bribe is the answer.

Posted on October 28th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, I hate prednisone club, doctor related posts | 21 Comments »

So, he called late on Friday evening

and we have a plan.

I like plans.

Most of which is watch and wait.

Her heart; more ecg testing.

Her lungs; the pulmonary hypertension, he feels, is due to the recurrent infection, the pneumonias and it will either get worse or it will resolve. So he will monitor that and if it worsens then we will look at options.

The pre med; will happen, so when she next has her Intragam, on November 10, I will have no bad night to report (touch wood)

and the kindy will get their management plan.

All is good.

The coughing up of blood; he feels that it is in the upper respiratory tract and we should watch her and wait. If it keeps happening I will take her to A&E.If she needs admission then he will test her lungs but for now, I will keep an eye on her at home.

This morning she is much the same, so all I can do is take his suggestion and observe.

Posted on October 25th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, IVIG, Ivy - girl, doctor related posts | 23 Comments »

It’s been there since he died, the box under the bed.

With all of his things inside.

Things that mean something and nothing.

It comes out rarely now and I thought that I had moved past the material possessions, the physicality of his abscence;

The ultrasound pictures.

The small soft toys, an outfit, a crocheted blanket.

His birth certificate and one pronouncing his death.

The little booties and the hat he had worn all those years ago.

Papers and readings and words to sad songs in remembrance of a small boy.

A lock of hair, some fading ink impressions of not so tiny hands and feet.

Cards and letters, sympathy and empathy all stuffed into the box under the bed.

I can hardly bare to look but I can memorise it’s contents, know every piece by heart.

I know it is there, the reminder box that I once had a  firstborn son.

My second son discovered it today and pulled from it all of the past, marvelled at the small soft seal that, for a few days, belonged to his brother. Lay underneath the blanket and looked at all of the cards. Showed me the booties and tried to put on the beanie

and

my heart was torn.

My first instinct was to gather every last thing up, snatch them, almost, from his little hands.

Tell him, No!

Not those things, they are mine, they are my memory keepers, the last things that I have on this earth to bring me closer to William.

Even though I shove them under the bed amongst the dust bunnies and the piles of  read books and the shoes that are ten years old and haven’t found their way to the bin.

They are still mine to covet, to hoard, to cry over when I need to.

Then I stopped because

they are his too.

They are all that he will ever know of his brother.

These tangible things.

These posessions.

So I packed away the important things, the birth and death certificate, the important papers, the hand and foot prints, the lock of hair and then I let him look amongst his brother’s toys and he and his sister sat on the blanket and had a picnic with the seal and the hippo. All the while, the second son wore the beanie and kept the booties, one on each of his big toes.

The little sister and the little brother talked about all of the things that one might talk about when you are just about to turn three and you are picnicing in your parents’ bedroom,

except, for a moment when they talked, in the softest of  whispers, about the angel called William and how he closed his eyes and when he opened them again he was flying in the clouds

and for an instant I could see all of them playing together and felt closer to my first boy than I had in ages.

Posted on October 23rd, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Daily life, Loss of a baby, grief, toddlerhood | 32 Comments »

Hi there!

I can’t believe I am going to give you all a sneek peak of our Chrismas card photos but I am. Mum, Amy, Jen, Mary, Tracey, Trish close your eyes.

I said close them!

No?

Okay, well then sit back and enjoy my Weekly Winners or you can see all the other entries over at Sarcastic Mom’s blog!

These are the shots that made the final cut but all of them turned out so well because the kids just had a ball.

It was so hard to pick.

My children are such super heroes! They can fly, you know.

Whoosh!!

Blonde and saving the world.

Every boy wishes he could fly.

She called herself Captain Cow (?)

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s The Blue Flash.

Mal was so excited when I sewed the capes! His super hero alias is Super Skull!

This is Captain Attitude. The only way he would participate in the super hero shoot was if his cape could be black. Yeah, pre teen, anyone?

Super Ivy was late on the scene (after a looooong sleep)

Posing beautiful.

We set up a step ladder and got the big kids to leap onto matresses. They had the best time!

Be afraid, be very afraid, all you villians and thieves out there (and any pink donuts that need eating).

Mid air madness.

Apparently all little girls wish they could fly too.

I’ll use my death stare to bring you to your knees.

Wonder twin powers… ACTIVATE! (Does anyone remember that cartoon?)

We hope you have a super sweet Christmas. Okay, a little corny but fun, lots of fun.

My super seven.

Posted on October 19th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Weekly Winners | 54 Comments »