There is no good
or bad
just very very ugly.
More later when I have licked my wounds.
Posted on February 22nd, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, doctor related posts, hurting, ugh!, wig out | 14 Comments »
The good, the bad and the ugly part 2.
Thoughts…
I have been really pent up.
Hurting over the insinuations of Ivy’s colonoscopy reults.
Even though I have been cleared.
Last night it was all I could think about.
Here’s the thing,
I was abused.
Take that for what you will.
The foster boys, who are in my care, were abused.
I have spent my whole adult life running from parts of my childhood. […]
Posted on February 16th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: children, family, hurting, wig out | 12 Comments »
Tuesday tension.
Is it Tuesday already?
It can’t be.
I’m not ready for tomorrow or Thursday.
I don’t think Ivy will ever be ready…
The paperwork for the procedure came yesterday. No cover letter, nothing so friendly. Just three pieces of paper, the first being the doctors fee.
By the time I had finished reading just that alone, I felt like I […]
Posted on February 5th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, colonoscopy, doctor related posts, endoscopy, money, ugh!, wig out, worry | 8 Comments »
Random thoughts of an insomniac gone mad.
… Maybe I am crazy…
Everything about this nightmare is wrong. Why can’t I help her? Why? I feel out of control, powerless. I can only imagine what she is going through.
When William was born my whole life changed. I have felt as though I have been falling ever since.
That night, that night, when the NICU […]
Posted on January 31st, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, Loss of a baby, Sleep deprivation, doctor related posts, hurting, wig out, worry | 9 Comments »
Up, down, up, down…
Labile moods
of the unknown.
Up, down.
Up, down.
We are getting
nowhere fast.
Up, down,
Up, down.
I feel their disregard
and I can do nothing more to help her
without them.
Her pain,
her pain.
Up down,
up down.
Her pain
is mine.
Up, down,
up down.
Ivy Update;
Blisters: 1 (won)
Ivy: 0
Me: 0
Paed: - 100
Posted on January 30th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, doctor related posts, hurting, wig out, worry | 6 Comments »
Tests and treatment.
I am tired. Exhausted in fact.
Yesterday was a colossal one.
A day of doctors, tests, doctors, results, more doctors, long drives, long, neuron pathway altering thought processes, tears, heated discussions, doctors and finally treatment commencement. Did I mention doctors?
You know it’s been a big day when you cry in front of a doctor, who doesn’t know you.
Now […]
Posted on January 11th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, doctor related posts, grateful, hurting, wig out | 8 Comments »
Shameless cranky.
We went to the paed.
Ivy and I, on two hours sleep.
I was already cranky before I got there. Bad mooded. Walking the biartch. Post PMS pms. Call it what you will.
Ivy’s bottom was in the process of blistering up again and there was not a thing I could do to stop it.
Applying the creams does […]
Posted on January 8th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, Sleep deprivation, doctor related posts, wig out | 11 Comments »
‘It’s long, and ranty and it’s about illness again’ or ‘Don’t get me started, well, ok, if you insist’!
We are in a cage, trapped like wild beasts. Paraded in front of an audience of uniformed people. I peer out the locked, grated window, out to the sun and the blue sky and the trees. I look to my small sleeping girl and I wish I had no need to bring her to this zoo. […]
Posted on December 30th, 2007 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, doctor related posts, hurting, wig out | 7 Comments »
Ivy update, solicitor update.
It’s been a very big week in our house.
Ivy has been incredibly unwell. We went to see a dermatologist about the blistering on her bottom and were sent away with more creams, more blood tests and Ivy, who was still so sick and weak that she could no longer hold her own bottle.
We went to […]
Posted on December 16th, 2007 by Tiff
Filed under: Health, illness, doctor related posts, wig out | No Comments »
Panic!
Okay, breathe.
There are still four days to go, five until their party.
I’m not ready! I’m not ready! I’m not ready!
It’ll be okay. It will all come together. It always does.
You’re disorganised for a reason. It’s because you’re not ready for this, for them to turn two. For them to lose their baby faces, their chubby […]
Posted on November 26th, 2007 by Tiff
Filed under: celebrations!, wig out | No Comments »
