Noah (pretending not to hear): I love you too, Ivy! Love you too.

Ivy: You spewed, I said, you spee - you - ed!

Noah: I not pooed Ivy.

**************************************************************

2:20am Ivy: “I want to snuggle with Mummy! Iwantosnugglewithmummeeeeeee Iwantosnugglewithmumeeeeee!”

Mummy: “No, you stay in your bed.”

2:22am Ivy: “I want to snugs with you Mummy, Iwantosnugswithyooooooooooowithyooooooo

Mummy: “No, stay in your bed, Mummy’s here”.

Every two minutes until 3am: ” I want to sleep in your bed Mummy, I want to snugs with you !Iwantosnugglewithyooooooo”.

3:02 am:  Mummy relents and takes self and lobbyist to nice warm bed, out of the freezing night.

3:03am Noah: “I want to come in your bed, Mummy”. Proceeds to climb into bed.

Mummy: “No, Noah sleep in your bed”.

Noah: “No, I not“!

Best friends.

Boys.

Double dating my girls.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Boy germs.

It wasn’t that long ago that we used to tease each other about boy germs if an offending species of the male variety brushed up against them and now they are ‘going out’ with them.

Apparently, all the twelve year olds have boyfriends.

Oh. My. Gawd.

I turn my back for a second and this happens.

They told me the creatures’ names but I couldn’t hear them. I had planted my fingers firmly in my ears and all I could hear was the thump thump thump of my heart pounding in my chest.

(Not listening, if I can’t hear you, it isn’t so).

I’m mature like that.

My babies.

Have boyfriends.

Oh, I know, it’s not serious boyfriendedness, nothing as concrete as kissing even,  at  least, not yet… but but but… it’s started and I’m not ready, not ready at all.

While we are on the subject, what is it with the still a fair way off from twelve year old boy, proclaiming his undying love for Bree the girl with the biggest boobs, in 6th grade? (tasteful, hey? Yes, that is why he is going out with her).

Over MSN, for goodness sake!

 He’s too young for that kind of stuff. Too young, I tell you!

MSN has now been banned from the kids’ computer.

Whoever thought it was a good idea to have toddlers and teenagers together?

I can’t possibly be expected to cope.

Where’s my corner?

I need to crawl into a small dark space and rock for a while.

I put them to bed. I snuggle them down. Noah has Ted and Ivy’s arms cling tightly around BokBok, boa also in hand.

They are so not ready to settle but I sit with them anyhow, willing them to go to sleep.

As twins they have the right, it seems, to suddenly start a banter of toddler babble back and forth over parental heads.

David is grotty. He has spent the afternoon mowing the toys  lawn. He is sighing and fidgeting, so I send him off to the shower.

Soon they start singing;

Ivy; “Ooh Wiggywiggywiggy! Oohh wiggywiggywiggy! Givemethatgivemethatgivemethat cheese!”

Noah: “Ro - ock uh byeeee bahbee, onthetreetop! When de win bloessss (growling) cradlewillrock… I throw de rock Mummy”?

Me: “No, Noah, we don’t throw rocks, now go to sleep. Close your eyes”.

Noah: Pulls lids of eyes down manually, “I carrrrrn’t”.

Me: “Shoosh”. (smiling not so inwardly).

Noah: “Sauce? I like de sauce, Mummy”.

Me: “Not sauce No - No, shoosh.

Noah: (singing) Shoosh? Sauce! Sauce, sauce, sauce, sauce!

Ivy: (interjects) “Shoes“!

Noah: “Shoes? Yes! Shoes, sauce, sauce, sauce, shoes, sauce”,

Ivy: (interjecting again) “Shorts!”

Noah: “Sauce, sauce, sauce, shorts, sauce, shoes, sauce, sauce, sauce sauce. No - ot shoosh!”

David comes back from the shower and I leave.

I have to.

I am laughing so hard, my insides hurt.

Sauce!

See more Wordless Wednesday here

So I thought I would dive into my memory bank and tell you some of the weird twinny type things that Immy and Maddy have done and said…

* when they were little Immy and Maddy would babble in some strange gobbledegook to each other. I could never understand one word but they understood. Everything. One would waffle on about something, the other would say something back, they would point and nod or giggle and then potter off to do the thing they had discussed… like one helping the other up to the top of the telephone table so they could ring 000 (Australian emergency number)!!! Imagine my embarrasment when the phone operator called back and ordered me to stop making prank calls to the service! When I had no idea what she was talking about, she queried whether I had young children.

* When the girls were about four we went up to Queensland for a holiday. Wanting to give the girls choice in what they wore and wanting to encourage individualism, we took them seperately to purchase new swimwear (a holiday tradition). One went with Dave and the other with me. Maddy chose a cute two piece bikini in a nice light blue. Imogen came from her swim shop minutes later, having chosen the exact same costume but in navy blue!

* We would often find after one (usually Maddy) would fall and cut/knock herself, the other would wake up with cuts and bruises in the same place, even though she had not fallen down. This still happens to this day and it happens with Ivy and Noah too.

* Even though the girls are fraternal, when they were about five, I noticed that they had a birthmark, just under their shoulder blades in exactly the same place and in almost the same pattern!

* Imogen was a sicky child and often in hospital. One night, I was at home and Dave was in the hospital with Immy. Maddy came into me very distressed early in the morning. She said I needed to go into the hospital that Maddy was very sick. I calmed her and told her that Daddy would have called if something was going on. I had just settled her when the phone rang. It was David. Immy had become quite septic and I needed to go into the hospital.

I had goosebumps for a long time after that one.

It’s pretty amazing having twins. Now with the two sets, I can see other differences with girl/girl and girl/boy too.

My little guy is amazing, social, easy going, talkative, has a gorgeous dimpled smile and a wicked sense of humour, loves routine, kisses and cuddles. He lights up my life with laughter and joy. He is my second chance and I love all that he gifts to me.

My little girl is petite, beautiful and strong. She is a complexity of character, socially shy, yet cheeky and free spirited with those she is comfortable with. She has stolen the hearts of many. She is the full stop at the end of a very long chapter in my life. I’m glad that it was her. She completes me.

Here is Ivy and Noah’s birth story. Written about five months after their birth.

Here is a little movie montage for anyone who has five minutes.

Tomorrow for all those with a love of all things Ivy and Noah there will be another one.

I know I am a little behind but I need to do a little bit of house keeping.

The 1st of November marked the beginning of NoBloPoMo, which I am taking part in. I haven’t quite worked out everything yet but I do know I’m supposed to post every day of November! So far so good, even if I did have to get the technical consultant/new sub editor to post for me.

The 1st of November also marked our official countdown to Ivy and Noah’s second birthday, which falls on the 30th.

It is one of our busiest months with dance concerts, camps away, end of school activities and that all important lead up to Christmas.

Today is David’s mum’s birthday! Happy Birthday Grandma, hope you have a wonderful day!

Now, back to our regular program!

Ivy is sick again. *sigh*. Will this never end?

With a tummy bug and a very sore bottom, my poor little girl, the one who is usually constantly on the go, has been very still today.

Get well baby. One day Mummy will learn that what goes around comes around.

On the weekend we bought and decorated Ivy and Noah’s new pottys. Ivy’s has stickers of handbags and shoes all over it and Noah’s is adorned with pirates. (Yes, they are waterproof stickers, friends).

With the other kids, we introduced the potty slowly. Imogen and Madeline went shopping and chose their own and their first pairs of undies. Lily was more or less the same but she didn’t like the potty, so she chose a toddler seat.

Initially we sat them on to ‘get a feel’ for using it before bathtime and progressed to them sitting on the potty when a parent was… sitting on the ‘great white throne’. For us, this worked really well (especially for the big twins) and they all trained quite easily. We had some cute little quirks along the way, like Maddy insisting she wear her pink sunhat everytime she needed to go but all in all, it went quite smoothly.

Summer is rapidly approaching, as is Ivy and Noah’s 2nd birthday and thoughts are turning to toilet training the toddlers (I think mum just wants to see me do away with my obsession with modern cloth nappies, just quietly) and I’m not sure this pair are going to be so easy.

For one, I have no idea how to toilet train a boy. I’ve never had to do it before. When Mal finally trained out of nappies he went straight to the standing position.

Secondly, we are almost nine years down the track from TT from scratch, I think I might have become rusty in my skills.

Thirdly, I have never had children sit on the potty and then proceed to race them down the hallway, scooching it along with their powerful legs, laughing at each other’s attempts to outscooch the other.

Finally, even though I spent a large part of today explaining to Noah, that you sit your bottom down on the potty he still insisted on wearing it as a hat. (Gives new meaning to the phrase ‘potty mouth’).

Truthfully, I am no hurry to have them using the toilet. Nappies are sometimes messy, sometimes they are inconvenient but having a two year old in undies brings about a whole new set of issues, let alone two toddlers in undies. I think the fact that the boy is wearing his as a fashion accessory speaks volumes about how ready they  are aren’t.

Slow to get moving and generally dragging the chain. I wanted to stay in bed. I wanted to lie in and read. I wanted to pretend that I didn’t have to get up and get the kids moving for school, the babies dressed and fed…it was a stay in your PJs kind of day. It was raining, grey and the morning air was cool.

Of course at about 4:30 this morning my reality set in with the entrance of Ivy and Noah. Ha ha ha hahahahahahahahahaha (insert half crazed laugh here).

My little rays of sunshine!

Thank goodness daylight savings starts this weekend. I don’t know what I’m whinging about really. Getting up at 4:30 when you only went to bed at midnight is just so refreshing!

The key point in this story so far is that it was raining…alot.

What do you think I spent a large part of my day doing?

Can you guess?

Does the title give it away?

Sometime after breakfast Immy came screaming out of our bedroom.

"Mu - um! Noah has just found his birthday gumboots and he won’t put them back"!!!!! (Darn, I knew it was way too quiet)!

So what would you do? Would you insist on the (not very well hidden) wellies going back in their hiding place because it was still a full month until their birthday or would you just give them to the little guy, with eyes shining bright, because he had aquired his very first pair of gumboots?

Me too.

And if you gave those boots to the almost two year old boy would you then deny the almost two year old little girl because she hadn’t been snooping?

Me either.

So, here I was on a rainy day with twin toddlers and their brand spanking new (almost) birthday gumboots.

Gee, what will I do?

Of course, after a nap and some lunch we went outside and splashed in the rain puddles. What else would you do?

It’s not like I really had a choice.

I think if I hadn’t have released them into the yard, our house would be lacking a door right now because, you know, a glass door can only take so much rattling, head banging and smacking. You can only bellow at a door so often before it breaks, so you see, the choice was really taken out of my hands.

So we went outside, in the rain.

Ivy, Noah, my mum (who had arrived during nap time) and I. They had a ball. They got wet. They splashed around.

Did I mention they got wet?

It was fun and I took photos.

Want to see?

I’ve hidden the rest of their parcels, again, so they will have something left come the end of November.

For a start, didn’t you realise that releasing children into a toy store is like letting mice run free in the pantry? They scurry every which way looking for their favourite tidbits. You should know by now that taking them to a place like that is going to bring about the "can I’s"

Can I have this $60 doll? Can I have this $80 game boy game? You will make yourself hoarse saying no, by the time the husband calls it a day.(Which is about half an hour into the excursion).

Another thing, expecting toddlers to stay strapped into a stroller when there are toys, from floor to ceiling, is unrealistic… very unrealistic. Especially if you want to leave unscathed by the high pitched squeal, that your son has aquired, along with his almost two year old tantys.

Taking a money stressed husband to a place where you hope to spend money is not a good idea either. It just makes him fidgety, with crazy eyes darting from one end of the isle to the other, looking for the closest exit and you will be bitterly disappointed by the outcome of the outing. Remember that word. Bit - ter - ly.

When you do unbuckle the toddlers, be prepared to run…FAST. That, or be prepared to buy all the things they can break in the minute it takes you to hunt them down. Please know that the latter is not the best option unless you are flush with cash because two toddlers, working together, can break alot in a small space of time.

When you find your toddler son in a hot pink, battery operated, car, do not

a) laugh at him,

b) show him where the reverse button is or

c) chase him

because he will

a) think it’s a game and push the accelerator pedal down as far as it will go, thus allowing him to ‘drive’ full force down a crowded isle

b) hit the reverse button and drive over the cranky husband’s toes. Making him more cranky and

c) create a riot of other shoppers, laughing, at the spectacle of two parents chasing after their runaway child.

Also, it will get you in trouble with the sixteen year old, assistant manager, who has no idea what it is like raising children, doesn’t really want to know because it is Sunday and he would rather be out surfing with his mates but his Mum made him get this stupid job so that he could learn about responsibilities and good work ethic. He is already in a bad mood and you and your ragbag children just made his day!

When the money stressed husband says it’s time to go, just go. Don’t try to talk him around to spending money on Baby Einstein bowl and cup learning sets because they are on special this week. It won’t work.

When you have your own thirty -  five year old tanty and get your way it’s not a smart move to then ask him for something else, like a coffee because you are dead on your feet from chasing seven kids. He will laugh in your general direction and continue to make a fast exit to the car park.

Finally, when you go to the toy store with seven children, remember to take some ear plugs for when you are exiting the shopping centre. These will save you from having to listen to all the whinging about how unfair it was to take them to the toy store in the first place and then not get them anything. (Even though they got almost half a day playing in said store and a nice lunch, instead of having to clean up the yard).

Note to self: better just to stay at home and blog!

P.S. When walking to the carpark and cranky husband spies a model helicopter in a hobby store, encourage him to go in and make a selection. His curiosity will spark faster than a grass fire and his demeanor will rapidly change. Remember this the next time you want to spend money and take him to the hobby store first!