Do you one day wake up and think I have nothing left to say that hasn’t been said?

What do you do, if that happens?

Do you walk away?

Do you wait until something fabulous or funny happens, so that there is anything other than real life to write about

because, really, I haven’t got anything.

You can only blog about being a shut in with a sick kid for so long before it gets boring.

People.

They are amazing, intimate, intricate beings.

When I started this blog, I felt very alone in the world. I thought of the blog as my online diary to get my thoughts out into the open, instead of keeping them tucked up inside.

I think I was about six months in when I discovered this blog, (which I still love) that had a ‘community’ and I wanted that, so I followed links to places I had never heard of and joined up.

Soon I met some Aussie bloggers and my circle started to widen.

Today I recieved a parcel… from my friend XBox. I can’t remember how I stumbled across his blog but it is one of my favourites and I have been reading for almost a year. Inside this parcel was a heartfelt card, so simple but so meaningful and it made me feel so wonderfully good to know that I had a friend.

There have been others too,

Kim sent me some beautiful ceramic pieces to make mobiles with the kids. I had a post ready to go up but the mobiles did not get done in the school holidays because Ivy was unwell.  They are gorgeous, handmade butterflies, hearts, doves and stars. Her note, and how she saw each piece representing one of my children was so touching and I cried when I received it because I felt as though I had someone walking along with me as I travelled.

We can’t forget my gorgeous Lou and the Tootsie Rolls. A day that will go down in history for our family and be remembered always.

Kate and Suze have offered to pimp my blog.

Veronica checks up on us to see how things are going, makes sure we are fairing ok and there are others too, some have been where I am, some just want to let me know they are with me in spirit, new friends and old… all of you.

Amazing.

 Ivy is so very unwell again. She has not recovered well from the last bout of sickness, both she and Noah now  have  croup and we think Thursday’s visit with the paed (yes, Jayne in his lunch hour) will bring with it a hospital admission. He thinks she will not be able to kick this infection without IV antibiotics. He said to pack a bag and we all know what that means.

The croup is just a little viral kick in the teeth, an upping of the evil Prednisone, when all we want to do is reduce it. Noah is certainly enjoying his superkid powers whilst on it.

And of course, we have blisters.

When I went to Uni to study Psychology,(fresh out of school) one of the first things I learnt about was tangentiality. Something I am very good at it seems…

Anyway, back to the point of my post.

Thank you.

Each and every one of you.

You help me through all the terrible days, you make me laugh and cry, you help me to feel human.

My community is not big but to me it means the world.

Okay. I suck. I know it.

I hear you.

My posts are big fat downers that everyone is sick of hearing (thank you new troll for pointing that out).

Going off the crazy pills was obviously a bad idea.

I have no life.

The pead told me, in no uncertain terms, that I am neurotic. He is p*ssed off with me because I refused to let the ENT doctor operate on Ivy when she is immune suppressed. That’s okay, paed, I’ll take that on board.

Noted.

Thanks.

My ‘friend’ told me I was an unmotivated fat slob and that I needed to do something about that. Yes, way to help with my already overinflated ego. Thank you. I am so beautiful, I needed to be knocked down a peg or two.

Clearly I am a terrible, depressed, ugly, lowlife.

So, as of Monday I am going to change.

You all want happy floaty posts?

Done. (Scroll down after this post there is a cute picture of the boy and an equally cute story).

Expect less though because my brain just doesn’t work that way for, oh, 70% of the time.

The paed wants me to shut my yap about my worry and stress for Ivy?

Done, although I still will not agree to the operation.

Sorry ’bout that.

Oh and I won’t go back on the crazy pills.

 I will bite the bullet and take Ivy and Noah to playgroup, no matter the germs.

I will put them in the creche and go to the gym and I will watch what I put in my mouth. God forbid I be a slob (and a fat one at that).

Oh and my neuroses?

Perhaps he will appreciate them a bit more the next time I have to present to A&E. Until then, I will keep them to myself.

Truly.

Firmly put in my place.

Honesty really is the best policy.

Over and out.

Michelle over at In the life of a child has gifted me this beautiful, heartfelt award, that she created.

I am so honoured to receive it. Michelle has overcome so much with her children. She has a wondeful soul and I treasure her friendship.

I wanted to pass this on to two people who are also struggling with their own issues but they still manage to keep their heads held high, and make it through some trying days. I’ve decided though to make it three.

The first is Trish at My Little Drummer Boys.

She is dealing with the health issues that her boys have due to genetic disease, she is coming up to the 4th anniversary for her angelbaby Charlotte and she has a teenage son. Trish is always upbeat about all of this but I know that her heart is often heavy with worry and guilt. She is an amazing person and is always uplifting, even when she is struggling herself, she finds it in her heart to help others.

Sadie from Redefining Perfect is a fairly new find for me but she is another who manages to swim when often she must feel like sinking. Her baby girl has CF (Cystic Fibrosis). No matter how bad things get she always has a smile or finds something to help her through those tough times.

 She comes across as a sassy, hilarious, jokey kind of girl (and she is) but it hides alot of hurt for her son Boo, who is autistic. I am truly in awe of her ability to sing when she must want to scream. Kelley from Magneto bold too.

Michelle’s only ask is that you spread the award around, girls. Thank you for being an inspiration to many and keep on singing!

For those of you who were shocked by the paed’s lack of follow up post sepsis for Ivy -  The receptionist called yesterday and offered us an appointment for the girl next Friday.

I have to say, I was surprised.

Personally, I was not going to push things, too tired, too worn out fighting for now and was going to muddle through this week first but he organised it all and I am thankful for that.

We are on day three of the Dapsone and I have noticed the following;

She has no appetite but she is extremely thristy.

She is pale.

She is tired.

Her first bloods are on Tuesday.

I got a comment today from someone saying that I needed to vary what I write about.

To that person, thanks for your comment but this is my blog and I’ll write about what I like.

If you don’t want to read, please don’t. There are lots and lots of blogs out there. I’m sure that you will find something that interests you. My blog is for me and for my children. That is why it was started and that is why I still write.

 Meg from Dipping Into The Australian Blogpond is talking with me as part of the Pay It Forward thing. I first discovered Megs blog when I was searching for other Australian blogs. She connected me up with the Bumpzee community and it took off from there. Meg is an amazing blogger and one who I have great respect for. She is also one of the founding members of the Aussie Bloggers Forum and if you ever need help or advice, then Meg’s your girl.

1. Why did you start blogging and when?

I started blogging in January 2007. Initially, I started blogging to document what was happening in my business life, and my business niche. But that pretty quickly became boring even to me! So my blog has evolved into an eclectic mix - ranging from online advertising, Australian Startups, blogging related posts, my children and general stuff that interests me. I don’t know if it’s any more interesting, but at least I’m not bored

2. What is your favourite post that you have written?

I suppose the one that I felt best about (when I wrote it) was a series of four posts on blogging karma. It started as one, but I ended up splitting it, because once I started I just couldn’t stop.

3. If you were giving advice to others who were looking to start a blog, what advice would you give them?

* If you think you’re in it for the long haul, start out on your own domain - moving your blog is a right royal pain.

* The Aussie Bloggers forum has a lot of great advice and is a friendly atmosphere for asking questions. I wish it was around when I started out.

* Don’t worry too much about customising (tweaking) your blog initially – as long as it’s functional you’ll have plenty of time to play later.

4. If you could have your time over, would you blog differently?

I’d like to write about more personal stuff, but it’s hard when you have your name attached to your blog, and I’m ultra cautious about saying “too much”. I’d like to have an anonymous blog, but maintaining different profiles would be too tricky.

5. Are there any blogs out there that have really struck a chord with you and can you name them?

It’s funny, when I first started blogging I used to almost exclusively read business type blogs, blogs about blogging, search engine optimisation and the like. Then I discovered (Australian) personal blogs, and I particularly love the sense of community. I’m currently subscribed to over 200 feeds.

I’ve got quite a few favourites over a range of topics. On a personal level I think one of the most enjoyable blogs I read is Kelley’s Magneto Bold Too. I love the way she writes (note it’s probably not for those easily offended by swearing), her sense of community, humour and honesty.

Over in Aussie Heroes?

There is a blog called Immy’s blog.

It’s my Immy’s.

Do me a favour and click on it. The girl is losing heart and she craves comments. Please put me her out of her misery. I will love you forever, honest.

Thanking all of you in advance. MWAH!

edited to add; thank you everyone. The response has been overwhelming and my Immy has had the biggest smile on her face all afternoon. She is busy planning posts about our up and coming camping trip and also about her date with the orthodontist for her much anticipated braces. Thank you. You are all wonderful.

It got one comment.

It was from my husband.

It said; “Phwoarr! Awsome blog!”

Uh - huh. You read it right.

I’m not going to link you back to any posts.

Instead I am going to hand out blog bling (see post below) and I’ve got my own very spebshal handmade award.

It’s called the blogs with heart award. Sounds perty, don’t it?

I love reading posts that touch my heart in some way. Posts that make me feel a connection to the writer.

Here it is:

It’s my blogging gift to you.

My first ever recipients of the Blogs With Heart award goes to;

Trish

Kim

Veronica

Cellobella

Bettina

Lightening

Kelley

Xbox man

Childlife

Mr Lady

Dawn

Lotus

Twelve people who have touched my heart with a post. Really, there are so many of you but I thought I would keep it to twelve, one for each month of the year I have been blogging. I ‘d love it if you passed it around to other’s who have done the same for you.

I do want to thank each and every one of you who have taken the time to read, comment, reach out. For a housebound girly like me, it means the world.

Yep. Thought so.

Ne - e - e - ver.

In fact, I was the opposite of cool.

I was the kid that everyone loved to hate.

Honestly.

Who can blame them, really? My fashion sense was laughable, I was fat, shy and dorky.

I mean, who wears a red smocked dress to their year six farewell, with white knee highs and cork heeled shoes and expect the coolest boy in school (Ahhh! Clinton Rose) to fall head over heels in love with you????

Nobody.

Except me.

I rest my case.

Anyhow, this inability to sit with any cliques has followed me through life. Highschool - I was in the reject group. You know, that group of girls who are together just because they’ve been kicked out of the other groups? Yep. I was their queen. I didn’t fit in at work (too young) I didn’t fit in at Uni (too old, had kids). In friendships, I have been able to make one really good, tell your deepest darkest secrets too, friend with each new area we moved into and thankfully most of them have come with when I make the  next move.

Now that I am online, I have noticed too, little cliques forming, in forums and even in blogging groups. Once again, I find myself not fitting in with any kind of niche. I don’t belong to any groups and I don’t have any groupies.

Once again, I can feel that old green eyed monster sneaking up on me, whispering in my ear. It’s not fair! Why doesn’t anybody wanna hang with the T - girl? (Pull out your violins, people, go on).

But… when I think about it, as in my real life, online, I have made some really good friends, some of whom I can divulge all those secrets and hurts and I am thankful.

So, do I care if I am not part of some inner circle? Hell yes  no, not really. I *think* I would rather a small group of good friends than being part of some blogging clique.

What about you? Do you wish you had a huge following? Do you desire the accolades of those more popular bloggers out there? Do you wish that some of those prom blog kings and queens would give you a side ways glance… just once, or are you happy to be bloggy nerd? Just askin’.