Ivy and Noah


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Gently, gently.

The silver lining is always, always in there somewhere.

Out of all of the terrible I have to believe that something good will come of it

and it came by way of the kind nurses

who told the doctors how very hard the needle dance had become

and the paediatrician

who took pity on this exhausted mother and fast tracked a consult with someone who could help

and the paediatric pain specialist who sat and listened for almost three hours as I relived the last night

and all of the nights before that.

It came with a new plan and new medications to try

and a promise that I would be able to help the small girl.

Fluoxitine for long term anti anxiety

and better pain relief for the easier nights

and Tuesday will see the use of Clonidine to iron out the peaks of anxiety by way of sedation and amnesia

in a controlled, monitored environment at first

but hopefully,

if we need to,

at home soon after.

All of this seems so much all at once

and I am torn between stealing the girl’s memories from her

and the absolute relief that I feel

knowing that our nights will no longer be based on  physical and emotional violence.

Both the paed

and the pain doctor

have said

that this will not be her forever.

It is a means to an end

which includes giving Ivy the ability to regain her confidence in the process

and relearn coping strategies and skills, with the help of our wonderful play therapist -

by taking away that primal fight or flight response,

which is all consuming

and cannot allow anything else to help.

With weekend leave to recover and regroup

for the new turn in our journey

I feel so many things but hope is at the forefront of all of it.

Gently, gently I am reminded that we are surrounded by good people who want to help

and I am grateful.




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20 Responses to “Gently, gently.”

  • Pixie (213 comments.):

    I am so so grateful too.


  • rachel:

    small steps forward is a good thing thing hun :)

  • Jackie:

    Wonderful news.

  • Jenny:

    I am so pleased for you both. I really hope this helps ease the pain of giving her the meds that she needs.

  • jean:

    You are not stealing your daughters memories. You are helping her cope with the physical and mental pain, both of which are very real and don’t need to be remembered. They don’t deserve to be memories for her or for you.

  • Fiona:

    here is to kind nurses!

    My ten yr old is also on Lovan.

  • Jodie:

    Thank goodness for Hope xxx

  • triciaandthegirls (1 comments.):

    I am so glad you are getting some help and hope that this may ease the way for the next little while. Take care and enjoy the weekend gate leave. Hugs.

  • Anne:

    Im so pleased for you. This seems way more do-able than what you endured the other night. Thank you kind nurse :)

  • So glad to read this. God bless all kind nurses everywhere.

  • Lynda M O (9 comments.):

    What a relief to read this news; may the weekend allow regrouping and play time for both of you. Better evenings in the offing, for that we are thankful.

  • MFA Mama (51 comments.):

    I am so very relieved for both of you.

  • Deb:

    So happy to hear this………..

  • Dianne Nunn (24 comments.):

    Oh this is good news, another path on this journey. Hopefully this will iron out the bumps along the road. Love to both of you. xxxxx

  • Mum:

    I read utter relief in this post and already can feel that you are more relaxed now that help & hope is within reach. Wonderful that everything is being resolved so promptly as a result of feedback from the nurse who assisted with the last needle night.

    Try not to be too concerned about wiping those memories. Better she can forget the bad ones so she can begin the coping process again. I am so pleased that after all your struggles, help is finally available.

    Enjoy your gate leave, cherish and remember the good times together. Home & happy memories is the best medicine of all for mind, body & soul.

    <3 xoxo

  • Katie:

    honestly, i don’t think you need to worry about wiping her memories of this time. i personally went through a horrific hospital experience a few years ago, where a big part of the treatment resulted in massive memory loss. i’ve spent a long time trying to piece together exactly what happened & what i was subjected to – i guess as humans we feel the need to KNOW – but i have now made peace with the fact that my memories are gone, & i am glad. glad because from what i have been told by family & friends…there was nothing, absolutely nothing, worthy of remembering. it is a blessing to not be able to recall what i went though. & i think, when ivy is old enough to understand the effect of the medication, she will not feel cheated or robbed. you are a wonderful, wonderful mama to ivy (& the other kids)…please don’t ever question that! easy to say, i know. but it’s true.

    i will be praying that the new meds take effect quickly, & that relief is on its way.

  • Carolyn:

    Lovely to see Princess Ivy smile!. So happy to hear some more positive news xxx

  • Dianne:

    So glad you and Ivy have received a new plan, practical help and hope.

  • Mary:

    Oh, so pleased to read this!!

  • Jennette:

    oh so wonderful to have hope again.

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