Dear teenage girls,
Dear teenage girls,
This is a letter of apology from me to you.
Please don’t blame Imogen and Madeline,
it was me who asked them to downsize their 16th celebrations.
They did it for me.
They did it because this year has been so crazy with hospitalisations and sickness
and I’m tired
and our family is struggling to pick up the slack.
That might seem like a convenient excuse to you
but it’s true.
It wasn’t that they didn’t want to invite every single person they could,
it’s that it wasn’t possible.
We couldn’t afford a big party in a hall, after eight weeks in hospital -
one day, some of you might understand how hard it is to make ends meet, although I sincerely hope that you never do
and a bonfire in the back yard in the middle of Winter, with questionable weather seemed like a bad idea to me.
As a parent, you feel responsible for everyone who walks into your home – you care for each one.
It’s because they are good girls and wanted to consider their mother that they agreed.
In the end,
it was just a sleepover,
with just a few girls,
some pizza and a movie
and two of the girls were there for Lily because it was her birthday too.
There were no gifts and no cake either.
I’m sorry, really I am -
because now my girls are upset.
I’ve inadvertently caused a riff between the people who mean the most to them.
Their friends – who they thought would understand
but I get it,
you all feel as though you have been excluded, singled out in some way.
That’s part of growing into yourself, learning that the world is about more than you
but that takes time.
I do know that.
I should have just had you all over and be done with it.
I feel terrible that my girls are hurting
and I’m sorry you are all hurting too
and if I could change things, I would.
Believe me, I would
and so, I’m sorry.
In more ways than you (care to) know.
Kind Regards,
Tiff
Tiff, life is tough, too tough sometimes and I am sure that in the scheme of things this is not going to be important but today you are hurting and I am sorry to think that people don’t ” get it”. Ok the girls who feel hurt and excluded are young but where are there parents – they could surely explain to them that their actions, reactions are not acceptable.
Keep strong
So sorry to hear that. Reading between the lines, sounds like some of the parents were involved too? Honestly, people. Can’t live with them, can’t shoot them.
Please don’t let this become another stick for life to beat you with – that, you do not need. Hugs and all the good wishes to you
David’s birthday is the middle of winter and my house is very, very small. Due to the way our house just grew, room by room, you need to walk through my bedroom to get to the bathroom and toilet. As the toilet cistern leaks and we are on tankwater, Instead of buying a new toilet cistern, Jeff put a tap on the pipe next to the loo so you have to turn the tap on in order to flush the loo. And there isn’t a light switch in the bathroom either, when we wired up the house we only had enough money for certain rooms and it was a choice between wiring up the hot water cylinder or pulling half the roof off to insert light fittings. anyway Hot water won. We have a lamp in there but you have to know where it is in the dark *cue spooky music*
The reason I am describing part of my house is that I hear you, Oh I hear you. I cant remember the amount of times David was bagged out as selfish or excluding people because I would only allow him one or two friends that I felt comfortable enough with to let walk through my bedroom to go to the loo.
Sometimes the reasons for small parties are a simple matter of logistics, not preferences. If I had my way we would have huge parties and heated swimming pools and waiters delivering me hand rolled sushi and a team of cleaners But at the end of the day, there is only me, so we had pizza and a bonfire.
Sorry
Its my darling daughter’s 22nd Birthday this week. Bizarre that I am here so far away endeavoring to explain that not every Birthday is a 21st! I actually don’t feel you should have to publicly justify yourself this way. Your girls are so very understanding, loving, wonderful examples of youth. I am sad that your girls are upset and hurting. That you are feeling this way. The world is too full of war and sadness to let a minor misunderstanding roll into anything bigger than that. I hope those that felt left out learn soon that sometimes life is very hard and that looking at the bigger picture is part of growing up. Perhaps they could invite your two over to theirs for a sleepover to prove they understand. Growing up these days seems so much more complicated than ever it used to be, although perhaps that’s just me looking back with rose coloured spectacles firmly attached. I hope all concerned move on, with peace in their hearts.
TIff, please don’t dwell on this, please. x
Gah! Teenage girls! Doesn’t matter what you do, someone will always find a reason to feel upset or slighted in some way.
Hope it all dies down soon.
Sorry Tiff, sorry you are hurting, sorry your girls and their friends are hurting.
Ack. Bloody teenagers
Hugs
It might have been better to have had just family for a birthday dinner, instead of a few girls. That way there’s no one left out saying “but I thought “I” was your best friend” etc It’s a harsher action, but if you can’t afford a party, then you can’t afford a party. Maybe sending a cake to school instead would have been another way to go.
It’s always hard when kids don’t fully understand the reasons for things happening.
Hugs, Tiff, sorry to hear you’re hurting again xxx
So sorry to hear that Immy and Maddy are feeling disappointed and hurt by friends who are less understanding and not as mature as they.
So sorry that you, too, are feeling hurt and apologetic as a result.
Sometimes there are unforseen restraints that prevent us doing all that we’d like and not by choice, but of necessity. You explained the position to your girls who were only too willing to downsize and so there should be no further need for guilt or apology on your part.
Life has it’s ups & downs, is not always like a box of chocolates and those friends who have chosen to make life unpleasant need to realise that sometimes having to make priorities and difficult choices are unenviable life lessons. They are still young and are yet perhaps unable or unwilling to understand. Suffice it to say, they too will learn someday.
Hopefully those chosen few who were able to join in & enjoy the celebration, will be appreciative and will stand up in defense for you, Immy & Maddy so that all friendships will be restored and fellowships can continue.
As for your apology, say no more, there is no need. You did all that you could to make the birthdays an enjoyable celebration and in time, all concerned (including yourself), will appreciate and come to this same realisation. xoxo
It has been with opportunities such as this that I’ve learned the difference between “true friends” and “acquaintances” and my life is a better for it.
Oh, dear.
Sometimes important decisions hurt some. You are still an amazing mama.
Oh Tigger M, I’m having flashbacks!! How many times did we go through similar things during high school? Someone said something or did something that offended someone else and that was the end of the friendship – but mostly just for the time being. It always hurt at the time but we always pulled through and invariably made up eventually. I’ve not met your girls but I think I’ve seen enough on FB and this blog to see that they are wonderfully mature girls and they will rise above this situation and will, eventually be able to move on from it. As long as you keep doing everything that you already do to love and encourage them, they will get through this and so will you! We always did in HS remember?!
Oh dear, sorry to hear this. Party’s can be really dangerous. I very rarely have them, Tilly hasn’t had one in years. She was excluded in a BAD way, everyone invited but her (that makes me SICK) so I said to her she can either have parties with the whole class or with 2 or 3 kids. Anyway, we gave that up as I found the same as you have. I dont blame others, because it hurts to be excluded. And even if there are only a few going, it hurts. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong or anyone is wrong. I hope the girls all sort it out, Im sure they will, these things tend to pass… but it’s crap at the time.
xx