In a few weeks, my big twins will be turning fifteen.

Before I go any further,

I want you to think back to when you were that age.

Were you the nice girl?

Perhaps you were the shy one

or maybe you were rebellious and a little loud.

Perhaps you just wanted to blend in,

belong somewhere

and maybe fifteen was a difficult stage for you

or maybe it was a time when you started to find your feet.

It’s such a crazy time, after all.

My girls are good girls.

They have observed the advice I gave them when they started highschool -

stay grounded, find your people and do your work.

Don’t get involved with the kind of things that will divert your path

and they have flourished.

They have a nice group of friends,

they do well in class

and they remain true to themselves.

Now, for this birthday, Maddy has asked if she can have her nose pierced as her major gift

and at first I said no.

No way

but then I thought about it.

I thought about when I was fifteen and I wanted my ears pierced.

My mother said no

and I did it anyway.

I felt frightened and guilty and naughty

but it was something I had wanted for a long time

and so it became more important than any of those feelings.

I think it was one of the few times I rebelled against my mum as a teenager (sorry Mum).

It was exciting, exhilarating and felt so very overwhelming

that I was making a choice for me.

I thought about how I live my life in fear.

Then

and

still -

how I always have.

Never risking anything,

never taking chances,

always wanting to please

always worried that I will upset someone,

do things wrong,

be the kind of person that is not well liked.

I hate that feeling of being frightened all of the time

and I don’t want my kids to feel that way.

“A life lived in fear is no life at all.”

I don’t want them to take crazy risks

but I do want them to stretch and reach and discover who they really are.

I want that for them.

I want that for me too, although I suspect it might be too late for me.

So, after talking about it with their father

I said yes.

Am I scared?

You bet.

There will be people who think I am doing the wrong thing

and there will be others who will have their say

and Maddy (who is so much like me in the worrier stakes) is anxious about being judged too

but I think if this is something that my fifteen year old daughter wants to do

needs to do

in order for her  to grow into a confident beautiful woman

then so be it.

To me, it seems such a small concession.

I’m throwing this out there though; would you let your child do something that you would never do yourself?