About the boy.
He is so easy to look after,
this boy of mine -
easy going, interested in the world, lovable
but at the end of June the pre school teacher pulled me aside and voiced her concerns
about Noah’s fine motor skills.
He was struggling with puzzles and with buttons and couldn’t write his name or draw basic people figures.
On top of that, she said,
he was having trouble with balance too.
The truth is, I had not given Noah’s development much thought until that day.
To me
he was just a normal child,
a normal boy child.
I knew that he had little interest in the same things that Ivy did.
I knew he had still not made up his mind as to whether he was left or right handed
and that sometimes he could be incredibly clumsy
but his vocabulary was amazing and his ability to soak up information and then feed it back to me, equally so.
I didn’t think he was delayed,
you know,
for a boy who was born at 30 weeks.
I said that I would talk with the paed and have him assess Noah
but in between that conversation and actually doing something about it,
Ivy became unwell and
everybody had to wait,
not just the boy.
When I asked though people made suggestions and reached out with ideas and things that we could try at home to help Noah
and we set about making special time for the boy.
We had puzzle play (which he aced fairly quickly)
and lots of time practicing name writing,
scissor work and playdough too.
Still he could not define which hand he wanted to use -
he showed alot of confidence with his right hand but always reverted to the toddler style grip,
whereas when he used his left, he held the pencil properly
and used his left hand for scissors and to feed himself most of the time.
We practiced sorting and finding and screwing and unscrewing of nuts and bolts,
and lots of threading (and making pasta neclaces).
which Noah really loved and would spend a lot of time on
and Dave brought his childhood lego out too, for building and manipulating small parts
and he got better,
everyone could notice a difference
but true to my word, I finally took him to the paed last week
and while there is improvement, he has a tremor
and he will need occupational therapy to combat some weaknesses.
He also has another eye examination scheduled,
because, once again, there is concern that his eyesight is not what it should be.
I’m hoping with time, it will be okay
and he will catch up
and then I won’t feel so bad for missing the signs
that my little guy was lagging behind.
Tremors suck
You know what doesn’t suck? Theraputty. It rocks.
Looks like he has a good tripod grasp on that bolt!!
use some ncie thick pencils if you want to see if he CAN do right hand.
Don’t beat yourself up, geez, you mustn’t get time to scratch your stinking nose half the time.
We missed a lot of Sam too. Mainly because he’s a good kid, a loving boy and a pleasure to be around. Sure, we noticed idiosyncrasies, but we blew a lot off. Getting pulled to the side by the teacher was heartbreaking and I took a lot of it to heart.
Go easy on yourself beautiful lady, you are brilliant. x
Don’t feel guilty, those are easy signs to miss. It wasn’t until the beginning of this year that I noticed Boo’s fine motor skills lagged well behind that of her peers, and like Noah, she battled with left hand vs right hand. Like you, I never saw the problem, mainly because her amazing vocabulary and absorption of information masked the issue. Since doing some work with her (thanks to my boss, whose daughter required OT and had some hints) Boo has caught up, and passed some of her peers over the past few months. I know Noah, will do the same
Don’t you dare feel bad… not for a second!
So often it takes someone from the outside, someone who doesn’t know all his amazing strengths to be able to see the weaker spots. It did for us.
I beat myself up so badly. I am a freaking preschool teacher how did I not see how much my girls were struggling with some things????
But I had to let go of the blame game, grab all the help and support we were offered and get on with things…. and I know you will do that and more for your gorgeous boy!
Tiff,
he will be fine.
you caught it,you addressed it………
you are working on it.
what a FABULOUS mumma you are.
hugs
Now that you know about it, Noah will be fine. Especially with all the help you are giving him.
What exactly is a tremor?
Only if he was 30 coming to you with these minor delays would I give permission to self flagellate.
He’s at a good age for OT, and all of this is perfectly timed, is my guess. And in your defense, you _have_ kinda had some other thing going on, too!
He’s beautiful, Tiff. Absolutely darling, and that word just doesn’t explain it enough.
Oh sweetie, please don’t beat yourself up about it. These are exactly the things that Caden is struggling with too, I completely understand. Caden has been getting OT to work on fine motor skills, plus we do work at home on writing, writing/drawing have been his biggest challenges. He does much better writing on an angled board or easel instead of on an table or desk. We have found that building with Legos and Knex have really challenged and helped greatly. We encountered the same with the hand preference at that age, he used both too. Only recently he has really shown dominance in his right hand, that came toward the end of his second year of preschool. I can’t wait to see my little guy and your little guy get together, they sound like two peas in a pod!
Hugs and love from Chicago.
Liz
Oh how I wish I lived in Oz, I would love to be Noah’s OT!! Don’t worry about him, he’s going to be just fine. As someone who works with kids with significant disabilities, I can tell you this is small stuff. Keep doing everything you are doing at home, and get him a few hours of OT a week, and he’ll catch right up to his peers in no time! If you are looking for more supplies, Handwriting without Tears is a wonderful program you can purchase on line that uses a full sensory integration approach to teaching writing and improves fine motor skills. Kids love it because you sing songs, build letters with sticks, write with chalk and play with putty. Even if you don’t use it though, he’s on the right track, and you didn’t miss a thing (these delays wouldn’t show until his Pre K). Hang in there and enjoy watching the progress your little man makes as he continues to improve!
Don’t beat yourself up about this because it’s a relatively known fact that boys can be slower than girls at this sort of thing and at his age. Admittedly, the balance thing and clumsiness were fairly evident before the pre-school mentioned it, but hey, Noah DOES have a rather large hold on Australia and so it was understandable that it hadn’t been recognised as a problem. I’m sure in time, especially once he started school with the need for these fine motor skills, that you certainly would have picked up on it then. It’s good that it has been recognised sooner, rather than later, though and I’m absolutely positive that once his mind is directed to concentrating on these skills, he will succeed with flying colours. I think it’s just that Noah has been so intent on absorbing all things worldly & wonderful, that he hasn’t felt the need for such things. I predict that he will catch up in no time at all and it will no longer be an ongoing problem.Take heart in his obvious improvement already. xoxo
Ummm…at least Noah wasn’t 15 before you realised…like my son. His was sight and auditory processing and fine motor issues, nicely covered up because he’s smart, and because he also has a sister who has some health issues and so tends to be the focus.
It only became obvious because he kept getting in trouble at school for not handing things in on time (the teachers were verbally changing the due dates which he missed), and because he kept getting marked wrong on answers that were right because they couldn’t read his handwriting. But even getting these things addressed at 15 years old has made a huge difference to him, so you are WAY AHEAD!
Tiff,
All of the beautiful members of your clan are going to be fine, probably more than fine! Our kids are all so different, they progress differently, they learn differently, sometimes they do have problems, sometimes not.
But it is obvious to me (and all these wise people above) that the abundant love within your family means that their experiences will help them grow into fine and admirable adults.
I know it’s hard, I know you get frustrated, but you really are raising some very significant people who will have great empathy and compassion for others.
And I don’t think there’s anything much more important than that.
Especially if they’re happy.
xxxxx
Hi Tiff,
I agree with Carol – the comment above me.
Its so hard to NOT beat ourselves up (moms) when we seemingly miss something about our kids – but there is Grace that wonderful thing that covers us and them.
You are amazing and so are your kids!!
xoTiffany
Honey! Listen to yourself! You can see visible improvement in a few weeks of working with him at home! That’s awesome. He will totally catch up. In, like, no time. Don’t sweat it. At all. Doctor’s orders.
David couldn’t decide whether he was a left or right handed writer until about grade one. I let him decide and didn’t push him and he eventually started to write with his right hand and I think that was more because of peer pressure than anything else. but now in hindsight I think that I should have encouraged him to write with his left hand as his writing is atrocious. He is a leftie in everything else he does, batting, kicking a football, golf.
Oh I forgot to mention that there is an Art Swap happening on twitter, it is heaps of fun and you send your art (in your case a photo) to a mystery recipient. The details are on my blog Tiff I reckon you should join up. and so do a couple of my readers
How dare you feel bad. Stop doing that right now. I agree with everyone else no reason at all to feel guilty. Firstly its the job of the school to notice these things. Second you are a great mother and much of what you do which is loving your child does not include a continual assessment of fine motor skills. Don’t you dare berate yourself not for a moment. Not a jot is you not being the best best mother the little man could wish for.
My son has dyspraxia which wasn’t actually properly diagnosed until he was much much older in part because it did not present as classic clumsiness and not being able to ride a bike etc. He also has a tremor but we missed that too in part I think because he was a make your head giddy little boy constantly on the move. His dyspraxia presents itself particulary with fine motor skills affecting the muscles in his fingers, which was explained to me as the reason that the messages from his brain don’t reach or are miswired somehow to not get to his fingers affecting drawing, writing, buttons etc. Much, much later he was diagnosed with epilepsy but the two are not related. A type that presents itself progressively worse in teenage years but as a child apparently he had lots of petit mals which me ‘his mother’ did not notice….. so I get your guilt but its misplaced. Why because I have been there on that and do you know what no other relative noticed either. We were just busy doing family life. Thinking he was daydreaming or not concentrating.
All the crafty stuff really helps for fine motor stuff which I am absolutely sure you know already, (grandmother and eggs springs to mind here arghh) seeing those pictures is like a time warp, particularly the pasta necklaces!
I am loathe ever to give advice because I am so not best placed to do so but if I have anything to say my boy who is now 18 is a joy, yes he had to take exams on laptops and will never ever have legible writing, needing to use a laptop in the workplace etc but these days his skills in this area are an asset. It took me ages to realise that he would never write well. Hopefully it won’t be this way for Noah and he will catch up. But the main thing is my lad is happy. I am a great believer in happiness and I look at all your photography and I know your kids are too. The smiles in the eyes of your children say it all. You deserve a medal frankly, you are one of the most dedicated, loving, mothers ever.
We never stop worrying about our children ever even when they are adults. But sometimes I wonder these days where the emphasis is so much on milestones and labelling whether that leaves parents with a lot of unnecessary guilt. I know its in kids best interests so that they get early intervention to enable them but I do worry about the guilt and stress which accompanies the process. The thing I notice most about my son is not his ongoing difficulties more what a thorougly lovely human being he is, not that his hands shake, that he struggles to sign his name etc. I am grateful for all that he can do. In a way I embrace his differences its what makes him, him. Of course I wanted him to write, draw and tie his laces at the same pace/level as his peers, it wouldn’t have been normal for me not to want that. He went to college last week with his t-shirt on back to front and inside out I was mortified and when he came home and I pointed it out, he just said ‘chill out mum, in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter, at least I have clothes’. I stood corrected and again he made me relax and smile.
Also with regard to the eyesight stuff, because of Noah’s age unless he had had a profound sight problem it is hard to notice or test for more minor sight problems younger than he his now simply by the nature of the tests required. I hope that Noah’s sight problems are something that can be helped with glasses and/or eye exercises.
My 18 year old son is apparently right handed but grates cheese and approaches every day tasks almost back to front, we have learnt not to comment on his approach to everyday tasks trying to force him to do it the ‘right’ way, never really favouring one hand over the other. His father is ambidextorous as was his grandmother. I agree that OT support for advice on fat pencils with a writing grip would be really helpful. Changing for PE was always a big stress as it took him longer and he would get left behind, a good school/kindergarten will offer a buddy system.
I am 46 and was born nearly three months premature weighing under 2lbs. My mother says to me that there is something about a prem baby even when they are grown that always worries their mum. She says even now that she feels guilty for my prematurity despite the fact that that is irrational and it was not her fault in any way. Guilt eh, such a destructive emotion.
You are not the only mother who missed stuff, most do to be honest. A hypervigilant mother can create an environment that stresses a child squashing their vibrancy and zest for fun, play and life in general. There is a great difference between not giving two hoots and noticing nothing and being a relaxed normal mother. Normal mothers miss stuff none of us are perfect.
Wishing Noah the very best and please please try to fret, knowing in my heart you will. I just don’t think you need to worry anymore than you already do. With more than enough to cope with already. Over here in the UK we call it worrying for England. I am thinking of you and hoping this added worry on top of all your others, is not keeping you awake at nights again. Sending you the most genuine of best wishes.
I read every post although not always commenting because I have a tendancy to go and on, bet you didn’t notice Tiff! I just read Kim’s post about the Art Share and her comment above I look forward to seeing your stuff, another hidden talent. A good distraction perhaps from all the stress.
Your boy has the best smile in the whole wide world.
I said ‘please please try to fret’, a terrible typo. I obviously meant ‘not to fret’. Digging myself yet another virtual hole and climbing hastily in.
Hey, Tiff – your boy is so beautiful.
Colin was delayed as well and we couldn’t tell whether he’d be right or left-handed. My dad is perfectly ambidextrous, and I thought Colin might be as well. He did settle on the left, though. I think just going so long without it being clear, and having us all automatically trying to get him to use his right when he’s really a lefty is actually what slowed him down. Once I realized he’s a lefty and told everybody including his teachers, he’s improved quickly.
Tiff,
My youngest boy, Brennan had some similar delays. The youngest of 4, I initially thought maybe it was bc I didnt spend as much total one on one time with him, like I did the first babies. I thought that eventually he would catch up. However, by age 4 we were realizing something wasnt quite right, and he was tantruming a lot due to frustration. We learned he had some sensory problems and started him in OT. It made a world of difference, and it was so fun for him, everything there was a new game to master. I ended up taking my older daughter there too, she was 8 at the time. She also had some fine motor skill deficiencies. Brennan also did that hand thing. He was probably closer to five before he decided on his right hand. My dads brother, though, could use both hands equally and I thought that was always kind of cool…although he had a teacher in the younger yrs who tried to spank that out of him!
A good game for fine motor skills is to fill a bowl with raw rice and then add some small things, like safety pins, beads, etc for him to find in there and have to pinch out. He could even use tweezers to pinch the little things out. Theraputty is a grand tool for this. Weights on his wrists could help to strengthen them. Games like Perfection can help too.
Noah will do fine. He is young, and he will catch up quickly once he starts to work at it. Brennan was right at that age as well and by kindergarten you would never have known there had been any problems.
I think I missed it in my kids bc I was so stressed trying to get the three of them dx’d at the time….they were just getting dx’d with asthma and CVID and needed some surgeries and in the end, those were the things I had to concentrate on at that time….the motor skills stuff was able to be caught up, and so will Noahs:)