It arrives in the mail, a small envelope, with the hospital logo on the front

and inside

the PICC repair kit that should have come home with the girl.

Useless now that the new port is in, I set it aside.

“What’s that, Mummy?” Ivy asks as I wander through the house

and I tell her.

She seems pleased that someone has thought to send her this bundle of plastic.

I think nothing more of it and start on the laundry.

The background noise suddenly becomes urgent and cranky

and I hear him stomp into the room, tearful and cross, he berates me with questions .

“How come Ivy gets all the presents?”

“Why can’t I have a PICC line repair kit,

I want a PICC line repair kit too”.

He is crying now.

He feels that he has been given the bad end of this deal.

I pull him close.

“Our friends send you gifts too, Noah, you know that” I respond

but he cries harder.

It is difficult for him to understand.

I try to tell him that Ivy would trade every material thing she owns for not having to have needles.

I try to tell him that being healthy is better than anything else

but he is four (almost five)

and he takes his health for granted.

He expects nothing less.

It’s the way it should be.

He swipes the angry tears away

after I tell him that to have a PICC line repair kit

it will mean having to have a PICC line put into his arm.

Does he want that?

No,

he shakes his head silently.

Solemnly.

Ivy has been listening too

She is crying now

because we have only,

days before,

finished a conversation about how she will always need the IVIG,

always need to have the port and medicine and  the hospital

and how without those things

she would not be able to go to dancing or to pre school or do any of the things she loves.

I hug them both and soothe them.

These are hard life lessons and

not your average ones, at that.

Just

normal for us.

I ask them;

“can you give each other a hug?”

“try to understand how each other feels”.

“I’m sorry”, Ivy says, “that you think I get more than you”.

“I’m sorry,” Noah says “that you are not the lucky one”.

They hug and hold hands.

The fight forgotten

but not by me.

I think I will remember it forever.