Noah: Ivy, did you know that Mummies have eggs in them? Yes. Just like chickens but without the feathers.
Ivy: (incredulously) No, they don’t!
Noah: Yes, it’s true. (calling across the tables because as a family we take up three of them) Isn’t it true, Mummy, that you are full of eggs.
Mummy: Yes, but we could probably talk about this another time Noah.
Noah: (ignoring my request) and Ivy, did you know that the Daddies are full of sperm and sperm are actually tadpoles with a penis?
Ivy: (eyes boggling) Noah! Don’t say penis!
Noah: but penis isn’t a naughty word.
Ivy: shhhhhhh, penis is not a good word for here!
Mummy: (cowering) Noah, I asked you not to talk about it here.
Noah: and did you know, Ivy that the tadpoles wiggle around until they find the egg and then they bite a big hole in the top and jump inside?
Ivy: yes, Noah, yes. I did know that. I did know all of that, stop talking. Now!
Noah: (looking around him and noticing that he has everyone’s attention. Everyone’s, including several surrounding patrons) and Ivy, did you know that when the tadpole jumps inside the egg they mash together and that makes a baby?
Did you know that you, Ivy, are mushed up egg and tadpole?
Ivy: Noah!
Everyone else in the family: Noah!
Noah: what????
Apparently, Maccas is as good a place as any to tell your sister the facts of life.
