Fiji.

It would be Fiji.

My warm destination.

My place to escape.

It’s been that way for a while – it’s the place I dream about when things get tough,

when we are in the hospital for weeks on end.

The place I take myself away to when there are blisters and crying and sad things that I don’t deal with well.

When the little girl sobs into my chest because the medication and the pump are too heavy

and the strap from the bag has worn the skin away from the crook between her neck and her shoulder,

when there is unexplained bleeding and everyone feels panicked

and I am physically and emotionally drained,

I can close my eyes and imagine tanned legs and white sand

and the blue green of the ocean.

I can picture her sun kissed curls.

Once I asked Ivy if she had a biggest wish

and, even though I know meeting Snow White is up there and fully expected that,

she said

it was to swim in the sea, without any needles or lines or pumps

and so

when I’m dreaming about Fiji

it always includes her wish too.

When I’m staring down the face of an empty cupboard or a bare fridge,

which I  sometimes do,

due to medication costs and the strain of consultation fees, travel costs and the like

I imagine tables groaning with the weight of fruit and meat and all things good to eat

but it’s the constant ebb and flow of the water, the sun setting on cooling sand, the blue, cloudless skies

that really call to me

and if I could I know

that I would pack everyone up

and go

right now.

I would escape and make my imaginings

a reality.

Do you have a place to escape, a place you dream of going?

Inspired by a conversation with bugmum.