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Archive for June 2010

The small sausage dog.

My husband is in Japan.

He’s in Japan

and this week, as a single parent, has been challenging

but we’ve been okay.

The kids have all been wonderful, helpful

and I thought that we were going to get through the week just fine.

Then last night the small sausage dog was hit by a car

and it’s not alright anymore.

He has a broken pelvis and he’s still at the vet’s this morning.

I just want to make it all better.

I want to take back time to before he escaped

before the kids ran frantically up and down the streets of the small rural community,

torch lights wavering and jiggling in the sky as they ran towards the night,

calling his name, so urgently, so fervently I thought my heart might break,

before they came back defeated and crying, their faces bleak and chapped by the tears and the wind.

Before we discovered that he’d made it home somehow and found him scared beyond belief underneath the verandah,

his back legs no longer working

his little sausage dog face cut and bleeding.

I want to take it all back to when I felt as though I may just be able to make it;

where everything was still okay.

I want it to be just me, hurt and broken

not the kids, who are fearful that we will lose another dog to, what they lovingly refer to as, ‘the curse’

not the pre schoolers, who are trying very hard to understand what just happened over a couple of hours, late on a Wednesday evening

and certainly not the small sausage dog, who came into our lives and softened our hardened spirits.

chippyimmyweb

Fairies at the bottom of my garden.

mushiesweb

I said : ” It’s because of all the rain that the toadstools are popping up everywhere in our yard’.

She said : “No Mummy, it’s because the fairies have moved in”.

I hope she’s right.

Rebuttal

Dear ‘fancymonster’,

Thank you for commenting with this;

“Just so I get it right – did you choose to have 5 kids? If so, STFU”.

on my last post.

At a time when all I want to do is curl up into the smallest of balls and disappear, it really made my day.

I will answer your question though – because I don’t want my kids to think, should they read the post and your comment that I was complaining about their existence

and then I will, as you say

STFU

and hopefully, so will you.

Yes, I chose to have all of my children, not five, as you suggest but six biological children.

Two sets of twins, a single daughter in the middle and a son, who died.

I also chose to foster two boys until they are old enough to make their way in this hateful world.

Most days are good.

Some days are not.

If you had read my post properly,

you would know

that I was not in any way resentful of  my beautiful children or what my day consists of to look after them.

I chose to marry my husband, who I love and am very proud of.

I chose him

but I was frustrated and hurt and I was just venting.

It is, of course, your God given right to show me that I am incredibly ungrateful for my seven living children and that I have no right to have a bad day.

Thank you for setting me straight.

It’s not working.

There are certain members of my family who believe that I don’t work.

By the time he had driven to his place of employment, powered up his computer and had his first cup of coffee

I had dressed, fed and organised seven children,

done two loads of washing

broken up several fights

folded up one lot of clothes from the dryer

and put another load in

blown two snotty noses, dosed three sick children up with medication

sent some to school

cleaned up the post breakfast mess

mopped up two sausage dog ‘accidents’

and started packing a bag for hospital

so the children I was taking with me had enough to do, enough to eat and enough to wear considering all weather options.

I managed to squeeze in getting dressed in there too.

By the time he went for his lunch break

I had driven an hour into town,

and around the full car park of the hospital four times

dealt with one hard faced woman, who drove around my bus, that was pulled to the side, indicator on,

to steal my parking space

and then refused to look at me when I asked why she had done that.

I parked over a kilometre away and walked with two four year olds,

one who wanted an explanation of all of life’s mysteries

and one who wanted me to pick her up and carry her because her legs were too sore

plus two bags

in the rain

to get to an appointment so that Ivy could be re-accessed, checked out and given more supplies

and then

have heated discussions with a doctor who

now doesn’t like me very much.

During that time,

I made sure the children were fed, that they were not thirsty and

I took them to the bathroom.

Several times – because toilet breaks are much more exciting in the hospital, apparently.

I tried to balance talking with the health professionals with overseeing and disciplining an overzealous boy child’s behaviour and comforting the girl.

By the time his lunch break was over

I had walked back to the bus,

juggling two  bags,

carrying one sad girl and holding the hand of the boy, who suddenly thought he would run at things like a bull in a china shop.

While he was in a meeting,

I put petrol in the car

and made it with minutes to spare

before the other kids started arriving home from school.

I put in another load of washing and then drove one child to football and another to drama.

While he was helping me out, by returning to the hospital, after his day at the office,

to collect some medication that Ivy needed and that I forgot

and then picking up post activity children

I cooked dinner and organised five other children to bath.

I managed clean up time (which is a dedicated time our family has before dinner to pack away and tidy)

and allocated chores.

As he was walking through the door, I had just put on another load of washing, taken a load from the dryer and put a wet load in.

I’m not saying that he doesn’t work.

He does.

He works hard and  very long hours

and he is the only income earner at the moment – this is a huge issue for me

and I’m not saying he never helps out because he does that too.

What I am saying is that I work too

and that motherhood is so undervalued.

If I were employed to do all of those things – carer, nurse, counselor, porter, driver, chef, patient advocate, laundress, cleaner,

how much would I be worth?

When you are a Mum, it just becomes an expectation that you will do all of these with very little recognition and indeed disdain from some people.

His insinuation that I have little understanding of how stressful his workday is may be true

but I understand stress

and I am working.

What’s more is that most days I do it without complaint.