It’s a balancing act, this having a sick baby business.

I mean, juggling her needs with what the family’s are.

Some days it’s easier to do

but other times it is so very hard.

Ivy is struggling.

It’s Winter, what can I say?

Lily turns 12 on Saturday and I have planned to have a party for her – seven friends for a high tea,

there’s football and important after school events,

parent teacher interviews,

Dave, newly back from Japan,

is committed to working long hours

and yesterday,

I had a choice to make.

Admission to hospital, with a cannulation –  because her port has been playing up,

treatment with IV antibiotics, with the hope of going home on the Out and About program (which she was unfortunately taken off last week)

or trial oral Ciproxin again.

Our last trial on oral ended badly but it was enough to keep Ivy out of the hospital.

I didn’t like the side effects  -

the way it made Ivy feel,

the weight that  she lost because it takes away her appetite and gives her insipid diarrhoea

but it kept her away from the hospital and at home

and so, I weighed things up,

looked at all the different balls I had in the air,

the family in an uproar because their lives were uncertain once more,

Ivy unwell but not acutely so

and decided

to trial

the Cipro.

It felt strange, I felt sick to my stomach, unsure of my choice

and this morning,

after a terrible night  of tossing and turning for the both of us,

she with tummy ache and I with heart ache

I realise that I feel as though I have compromised Ivy’s health

and it’s not sitting well right now at all.

Like I said, it’s a balancing act

and sometimes you fall.