We’ve been here for three days now.

I really didn’t have to fight at all.

The paed basically took everything out of my hands and made the decision for me.

I know I want the best of all worlds.

Equality -

to be informed

to play a part in decision making

but

somedays

I just want someone else to make the call, you know?

I want to be able to say

‘the doctor said she had to come into hospital’.

I can’t explain the mixed feelings that I have right now.

I’m glad she is here, that she is getting all she needs to get better

but I want to be at home too.

I miss the kids and David 

and I miss normality.

So far we have two IV antibiotics on board

and things have been quite slow to resolve.

The paed is thinking a third may need to be added.

Ivy has slept a large part of the week away -

she slept through the paed’s visit,

she slept through the transfer to the medical ward

and when she woke up

she asked

when we were going home.

She thought she was still there for IVIG!

She takes everything so well though.

There weren’t any tears.

The only thing she asked for was a shower.

How long we’ll be here is anyone’s guess.

When asked the paed suggested it would be ‘a few days’

and I suppose I know it’s his way of saying  ‘as long as it takes’.

Am I okay with that?

I think I am, I mean,

anything seems okay when Ivy isn’t crying,

when she’s not in pain

when the panic subsides.

It’s day three though,

 and by day five I am usually hospital crazy.