I prefer to be at home and I’m shy. I’m often crap at friendship. Maybe that’s why I like you so much. At least you are honest. And sometimes I think mothering takes up all the friendship love I have to offer so there isn’t any left to go round.

I find it hard too. My IRL friends are practically non-existant nowadays. Thank god for blogging.

I hear you. I’m only ever a good friend on the internet. If it wasn’t for Facebook I’d never contact people. T-Rex complains that I don’t like people coming over, which is very true. I like going out and spending time with different people, but I hate the work that’s involved sometimes. I really only have one close friend at a time, I’m too lazy to maintain any more relationships. Not to mention, I find it really hard being in such a different place from my friends - married for 5 years, infertile, wanting to adopt - living with parents, just graduated from uni, wanting to go clubbing.

I found the best friends of my life when I found people who didn’t expect anything from me. I too am a bad friend. I’m a good listener and I’m filled to the brim with empathy and understanding… but I won’t call for weeks… I have a family and they take center stage. My friends share that ideal and I’m sure that’s why we click.

Oh Jane. You probably don’t realise that I still have a photo of us (taken on Australia Day around 1989) on my wall. You probably don’t realise that I religiously look at your blog every day and I cry with you and laugh with you, and admire your kids and family and tenacity and patience against adversity. Or that I’d love to talk to your mom on FB but I’m not sure she’d remember me. Or that when we do talk, it takes me back to high school without the worries of the world that adults seem to have. High school were some of the toughest years but without a doubt, the best years, with some great memories that I’ll never forget.

Friendship has always been a toughie for me also. I think that is why my real BFF (best friends forever)can be counted on the fingers of one hand. That is also what makes a friend rare and precious Funny thing I spent today with one of mine. Our mood was a stroll down memory lane, going over the highs and lows over our 25 years as friends. We met at a chronic pain support group I belonged to . She and her other two friends only came to 2 or 3 meetings but our friendship has withstood the test of time. We both have a laundry list of physical problems - I fliply refer to myself as a legitimate hypochondriac at times because I unluckily have all the problems I am concerned about. This last sentence isn’t coming out in an easily understandable form - its hard for me to put into words.
Your last couple of posts about yourself have been introspective and philosophical, and beautifully written. You express your self so well and write so bravely and honestly. Kudos to you. My hat (were I wearing one) is off for you. Its a pleasure getting to know you.

I’m a crap friend too. I have a few good friends that thankfully are ‘good’ friends and make much more effort than I do, which is probably how I’ve managed to keep them! If it wasn’t for Facebook, I’d have a lot fewer IRL friends. I have way more internet friends… and there’s always one of them around when I need one xxx

I am a bad friend too. Sigh. Tend to be selfish and self-centred. Yep, that’s me too.

Oh man, I really really wanna meet you IRL Tiff. So that I could give you the biggest hug.XO

I find I have just enough energy for my few important URL friends. I cannot stretch to new ones. I try but….

Sounds so very much like me. I’ve always preferred to be alone. Sorry I haven’t been around much, my internet connection has been touchy.

You know what I said and I meant it. I am proud to say you have been a great friend to me.

It’s hard to be a friend when your family comes first.

We have times when we feel like we don’t give enough to a friendship . Though we can never be all things to all the people who call us ‘friend’. It’s hard, and worse when so called ‘friends’ put unrealistic expectations back on us when we are stretched beyond measure.

Friendship should be guilt free , friends don’t expect too much but they give and you have given me so much. Thank you my dear friend for over 5 yrs of cyber come real life friendship even though we are 2 hrs apart.

So weird that I read this now. After just having a conversation with Moo about going out and meeting new people…

I am a very social person, I LOVE time alone but crave being around others. Alas, because of Boo’s issues, the friends have shied away and now I only have precious few that can accept him for who he is.

And you know what? Life is way easier.

[...] this post at Three Ring Circus today I could [...]

Everyone is different Tiff, you sound like you are being a bit hard on yourself. Your family comes first and so they should. But I think of you as a friend, I feel like I know so much about you and you dont sound selfish and self centred, you just have so much to deal with in your life that you dont have much time for friendship. I have always been obsessed with friends, making them, hanging onto them to the detriment of myself and my own needs. Not a good way to be either.

Well, knowing you in real life as well, I need to contradict one aspect of this post.

When you are with someone, you are a very good friend. A true friend. A trusting and trustworthy friend. There is nothing at all “crap” about your friendship.

I’m exactly the same about keeping in contact with my friends. I’m hopeless at it. And it’s not about intention, it’s just about time and effort. And I’ve only got TWO kids!!

You’re a good friend to me, Tiff. And I consider ours to be a real friendship. One that will not waver - despite our infrequent emails etc.

I always think of my friendships as “quality over quantity”. I feel richer having a few close friends rather than many vague ones.

xox

It says on my profile I seem to remember that I just prefer to be with my husband and family and like best to stay at home in pj’s. I have a couple of friends but am dreadful at keeping in touch. I agree on quality over quantity. I am useless at meeting ‘new’ people (thats hard anyhow if one doesn’t network or do anything involving meeting new people) If we do go out for the odd drink I leave the chatting to spouse who is very good at it, I have an extremely short attention span on conversation with relative strangers. Dread the question - what do you do? - me I just have EDS, love my dog and stuff doesn’t really sound very interesting. I do love my life just as it is and wouldn’t change a thing to be honest. Loads of so called friends - not for me either.

I Totally understand. It’s the same with me. You desperately want to be open and have a ton of close friends but it’s just not that easy for shy people.

I understand, I’m the same way. I hate making friends I find it hard to trust anyone, so I just go without for the most part.

Well hon…..I consider you my friend.

Your life is full and hectic.

Family always take priority.

You supported me through some very tough times and I will always be thankful for that.

I hope we will be friends for a long time to come.

(I doubt we would be able to keep Lily and G apart!!)

I have good friends who pursue me but the truth is that I kind of hide out, just like you do. I’m terrible at long-distance friendship; I hardly ever call or email. I don’t really like the phone.

But you are not a bad person or a bad friend. I think you’re like the rest of us: overtired, overburdened and overworked. It’s hard to go deep into a friendship when those three things are dragging you down.

I read a book the other day by Laurie Halse Anderson. While I don’t think (I hope!) that you ahven’t had the experience of the main character in the book it reminded me of you just a little. It’s called “Speak” and it’s a teen fiction, if you’re interested in reading it.

Hugging you from here. xox

Interesting and beautiful and honest.
I think you’re such a lovely person…you’re obviously a devoted mom, and you see a lot of beauty in the world. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend, if you wanted to have them. It definitely takes work - it takes action, I should say - to be a friend. I’ve learned a lot about being one myself lately.

Oh darling girl, from everthing I know of you(& possibly some I don’t), you have always been a good friend for those you’ve chosen to befriend. I remember in primary school, as shy & intimidated as you may have felt, you were always the one who chose as your friends, those ones who were outcast by their peers. The human is a social being and as such needs social contact to be whole but as I’ve always said & still maintain, the best friends anyone can have are family. They are the ones who know you best and will almost always be there for you, who accept you for who you are unconditionally. However, without social contact & friendship, the human spirit ceases to grow & loneliness can be so destructive to the soul. True friendship doesn’t require constant contact but a knowledge that it is there if & when needed, without prejudice, resentment or judgement and with total acceptance of who you are. Yes, friendships can sometimes be tenuous & fleeting, hurtful & unforgiving, as any relationship can be, but the measure of true friendship is the value placed on it by the give & take, compromise, acceptance of differences and the desire to remain steadfast, unjudgemental & loyal, no matter what. Granted, friends like these are sometimes very hard to find, but oh so precious and valuable in feeling connected. Yes, you are shy and reluctant to make initial contact, but you have also been isolated and out of touch socially, with the need to care for Ivy & Noah. Hopefully, that will now change somewhat, with the improvement in Ivy’s treatment and with pre-school two days a week so you can re-connect through your photography. You are friendly, honest and out going with people, irrespective of your shyness & discomfort meeting strangers, and I know that alone will mean people that you meet will want to get to know you for the beautiful person you are. xoxo

Aside from the abusive family parts… this could have been written by me. I don’t know why, I just don’t have that in me. I’m convinced I was put on this planet to have very few friends. I see women (or read about them) with dozens of close friends they talk to on the phone, or go visit, and wonder what it is they do or say or how they act that I fail at. I’m like you… I keep to myself, it’s easier that way. Nobody gets hurt… especially me.

Me too. Except add to that that I didn’t have a mother trying to keep home together for us and I attended more than 20 schools because we moved so much. However, I have learned that it is not that I am a bad friend, it is that I don’t choose to share my heart with many people and many of those I do don’t prove worthy of that treasure. Often, too, I will choose a friend that is much like me and I will grow and she will stay the same until one day, there is nothing left to base a freindship on so we drift apart. I am guessing both of these two traits are true for you, too. You are a treasure, a valuable person, and I am guessing a true and faithful friend.