Waiting.

It seems we are all waiting for something.

I have been to the doctor.

She was, as all boonie doctors are in these parts, apathetic to say the least.

I told her my symptoms, told her I was worried.

I told her about Ivy and that I thought it was perhaps stress related.

She thought stress had nothing to do with it.

She looked in my ear, to find no sign of an infection.

She looked in my eyes but could find nothing at all

and so

because I have no visible afflictions (aside from her remarking over and over again about how exhausted I appeared)

she ordered me a hearing test,

you know,

so she could see just how deaf I actually am

and some blood work.

I’m booked in for those tomorrow, amongst taking Ivy to her appoinments.

So you will need to wait with me, my friends.

I am trying to be brave and suck it up but

I have been bad mooded and snappy

with my family

for which I am truly sorry.

It’s that I’m frightened

and I feel as though the whole right side of my head is stuffed full with cotton wool.

Aside from that I am trying to care for Ivy, without the help from her doctors.

In fact I seem to be the peace keeper between the infectious diseases team and the paed.

They are angry because he has not reviewed her at all since she was discharged on the home antibiotic program. They tell me they are waiting  before they do anything else but told me that if they have not heard from him by the 21st of the month, they will just withdraw treatment.

Both parties know that her ear is still discharging, despite around the clock therapy but we have come to a standstill.

The paediatrician has seemingly wiped his hands for now.

Too busy, too close to Christmas, too difficult,

who knows

and so I am waiting for him too.