You know, you get to a point when everything gets on top of you.

Being positive goes a long way but eventually all the sludge begins to seep through the cracks.

Staying positive can be hard and what’s more, when you whine, people switch off.

There are few people who can be there for you when the chips are down.

I’m sick

and I’m tired, so tired.

 I’ve had this eye thing going on for a while now, pain and blurred vision on the right side.

I put it down to stress.

I went to the eye doctor who couldn’t find anything wrong, so I pushed it to the back of my mind, along with the anaemia that I have been struggling with for the last six months.

I booked an appointment to see a doctor but I had to cancel it

because Ivy was unwell and she and all of the other kids come before me

besides that, it was just stress.

Right?

Three times I cancelled.

Last week I went deaf in my right ear.

I can’t hear anything on that side,

actually, that’s not true

I can hear muffled sounds but nothing

clear

and it is freaking me out, along with the eye thing and the anaemia

and the left sided tingling that has just started.

My mother and my mother in law are upset with me.

My mum especially so.

She says I need to look after myself

and I do

I know I do, I know she’s right

but I’m the last one to get a look in when it comes down to it.

I’m officially scared enough to try for the doctor again.

I know I don’t feel so good at the moment.

I just hope it’s something as simple as stress.