Some days are just big.

You know?

Defining moments.

I don’t write about Lily very much here.

I don’t because,

well, because she is such an easy going kid.

An everyday, average  kid

and

I’m sorry to say,

she

blends.

With all of the other strong personalities living in the house sometimes Lily is the last one to be heard.

Somedays not so much but mostly

she just is.

I’m not saying that she is any less important or that I love her any less than any of the others because that is not the case at all.

She has a gorgeous quirky spirit and I am lucky to be her Mum.

The thing is

when you are the blending, background kind of child sometimes

you get left behind

and there is my defining moment.

I never meant it to be that way

but

sometimes

it just is.

Yesterday,

after IVIG had been infused into the little girl, entirely too fast

and the side effects started early

and I came home with one screaming preschooler

and was then loved on by every other member of the family so much so that I could not think straight,

my middle girl quietly cuddled into me,

amongst the crying and the loud conversation and the noise of the house

(which was insanely loud for 5pm).

She asked one question

and that was to enquire if she could possibly have the day off from school the following day.

I instantly retorted in the negative

and when I looked down into her face,

she was crying

big soft tears filling her eyes and splashing onto her cheeks.

It took my breath away.

She looked so sad.

I asked what the matter was

and she told me

 that she would not be allowed to run for school leader because she had not gained enough points for a gold medal.

The point system is based on behaviour and homework and she was five points from the goal

and in that instant

I knew

I had totally let her down -

because she is not the squeaky wheel and

because I have been so caught up with Ivy

I haven’t balanced things well at all.

I can write a letter and plead her case

but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.

Some lessons are hard

and I think we’ve both learnt something valuable.

I need to pay more attention,

so my Lily in the middle doesn’t get left behind

and she needs to be responsible for her life and work to her goals

but today

she’s having the day off

and we are going to spend time together.