He looks back at me, a smile playing  on his lips.

His eyes are as blue and as deep as the ocean that he is paddling in.

His shorts are rolled up past his knees and a dusting of almost translucent sand covers his legs.

I smile in return and wave.

There is an ease about us that not many share, a familiarity.

He holds a piece of my heart.

A wave rolls in, kisses his toes and his eyes light up in  awe and merriment.

We are waiting for the sun.

Morning is coming and although we have seen many together, this one is special.

We don’t get to spend much time with one another, these days, it seems.

Life has become a blur of busy - ness, of constant movement.

I relish these moments we have, in the quiet stillness of  dawn.

I feel the cool fragments of shell between my toes and suddenly but not surprisingly a small breeze wraps itself, like invisible floss, around my being.

He turns to me once more, his eyes see me as I am, one mother, who loves him for all that he was, all that he is and all that he could have been.

His face does not change but he nods slightly, head bowed and I wonder what he means.

I can hear the sound of  voices as they come to the beach to join us.

A  celebration of family.

They are my reality.

An arm slips around my shoulders, solid and warm just as the sun begins to yawn over the horizon.

Its glow is soft at first but within seconds it beams into my world and my concentration is lost.

I blink away the light and look to the place where he should be standing but he is gone.

My heart races, panics and I stand quickly, catching my breath, searching my surroundings

and then I see him, in the golden sparkles dancing across the water.

“Happy Birthday,  angel boy” I whisper and the tears of five years gone are as salty and as deep as the ocean we stand before.

My only wish is that he is happy.

I’m not sure if it is the waves or the breeze playing soflty around my face 

but for a moment I  think I can hear him laughing.