in fact if you go here, there is something a little more articulate

but not here.

Here is sadly lacking.

Oh, I could copy and paste that story but, in truth I have been dragging this week.

Next week is William’s birthday and insomnia has come to play in the small hours of the mornings.

There are so many feelings that swirl around my head but for some reason the words don’t come easily when I try to write them down.

Sadness,emptiness, guilt, they’re all there in the darkness, along with the nightmares that come with this time.

We are leaving for our holiday on Monday night.

Packing is not going so well.

To date, Ivy and Noah will be going and maybe some beach towels.

I think I hurt my mother (The last person on this earth I want to hurt) or it was lack of communication or something. It’s about the holiday, it’s about inclusion, more than anything.

It’s meltdown week.

Of course Ivy is unwell and rundown and a clinging, sad girl resides on my hip for much of the day. She has a cough (why does she always get a cough before our holidays?) which seems to be getting worse, not better, despite alterations in medication and ferverent emails (don’t ask, it’s a whole other post about how the good doctor has become more  drug mule than  physician) to the paediatrician. Still, it’s IVIG day on Monday, so I’m hopeful everything will work itself out.

For whatever reason I’ve  stumbled across this blog and have been lurking there for the better part of the week.

I’m not sure why.

Perhaps it’s because of Will’s birthday coming up,  mostly, I think, it’s  because he has the same thing Ivy has going on with her heart (the two nodes fighting for the same rhythm).

He is in trouble. A simple cold sent him into a dangerous state.

I’m gunning for the baby boy who is sick and sending every good thought to his parents. If you are the praying kind, they could use your help right now.

So, that’s me.

A ball of not much good to anyone.

An excuse, I know but the best I can do right now.