Special needs? | Three Ring Circus

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Special needs?

January 9th, 2009 by Tiff

I’m not sure Ivy qualifies as a special needs child.
For the last four months we have had a fairly ‘normal’ life.
Or normal, in comparison to four months ago, at least.
It’s funny how we gage things, isn’t it

Because

it’s not really normal that my, just turned three year old, understands what a canula is, that she barely flinches anymore as the needle slides in.

That she knows where her best vein is.
It’s not really normal that she can lie still for ten minutes, for a bone density scan or that she understands that a CT is noisy.

Life, for most people, doesn’t include an infusion day every month or blood tests, chest xrays, doctor’s appointments and a list of specialists as long as your arm but

is that special needs?

For some, yes.

For us?

It seems like a part of our everyday.

For others with special needs and carers who look after them, it may seem insignificant.

I look at all the different people in the world, I see them with all of their troubles, the issues that some children have and my heart breaks for them. It breaks for the parents

and I wonder how others see us.

We have had comments from people, who have children with greater needs, more obvious and significant issues, that Ivy is not nearly as… bad off as others.

She is not special needs

That we have no idea how easy we have it.

Then we have Mal, who is globally developmentally delayed and needs some help in his activities of daily living.

To the world he is a ’special needs’ child. He looks different, he acts differently to the public at large. He evokes all of the prejudices, stares and comments that society can imagine

and yet, to us, he is just Mal.

He is a fine and healthy boy, has not had any time in hospital, he is treated as all of the other children are in our family. He is not afforded allowances just for his challenges. He goes to school, swims, plays hard.

He has experienced life to the fullest.

Just like everyone else.

He is not limited in his life.

Not limited by us, at least.

So is he special needs?

How do you make the definition?

Just because one fits into all of society’s ’boxes’ and the other doesn’t fit into any, neither of them belongs.

Originally posted at 5 minutes for special needs.

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20 Responses

Mr Lady (76 comments.) writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 09:00

One who can only gauge their own hardships against those of others will never know empathy. In other words, those people who like to remind you how “good” you have it? Can shut their f’ing traps.

Jennette writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 09:37

well said

Widdle Shamrock (101 comments.) writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 10:23

I am so with you on that.

It is something that frustrates me.

Amy writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 12:47

I’ve heard you speak about those comments before. It is so strange, as though it is some sort of competition or something? Odd. I suppose even in minority groups there is a broad range of difference.
And a heck of a lot of insecurity by the sounds.
I hear about how Ivy suffers and it would never enter my head to say she’s or you’ve got it “good” - even though there are others who suffer as well.
But then when I see pictures like that one of Ivy and Mal and I think that’s the good right there - your kids are wonderful, even despite the significant challenges of chronic illness and developmental delay. What a triumph for you and for them.

Flicka (53 comments.) writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 13:24

Well said, Tiff. I love what Mr. Lady had to say in response and add my “amen” to that.

Sarah writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 14:14

What a beautiful and insightful post Tiff. I admire you and your family daily, I think you are an inspirational family.

And by the way, your talent is immense……that photo of Ivy is exquisite.

Alison (3xkewl) (141 comments.) writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 15:05

I had a whole rant written - agreeing with you, with the above comments, spewing of my own venom against the labels and the ’shoulds’ that society strangles us with - then I thought… Society is so warped I am glad not to fit into any of it’s ridiculously uncomfortable boxes.
So - HOORAY for Ivy!!!
HOORAY for Mal!!!
HOORAY for Tiff!!!
HOORAY for all of us who aren’t uncomfortable in ugly misshaped boxes!

Love your ways, Tiff xxxx

katef (184 comments.) writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 15:40

Oh Mr Lady…. great response… really hit the nail on the head!

For the first time since our girls stopped being ‘prem babies’ all those years back we’ve been labelled with the ’special needs’ label. I almost laughed out loud when it was suggested…. sure my girls are ’special’ and they certainly are ‘needy’ but did that label really fit? I felt a lot like a fraud, but it got them another year of kinder and an appointment with a specialist when it looked like we wouldn’t get either… so we took it cautiously, but happily…. but still kept walking our own path, because what else can you do?

There isn’t a box anyone could tick that could describe my kids or yours, special needs or normal…. they are who they are, they know what they know and they need what they need….

Jeanette (253 comments.) writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 15:53

Very well said!

river writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 16:30

Just because they don’t need wheelchairs or prosthetic limbs doesn’t mean they’re not special needs kids. There are medicinal needs which they need to function normally, this qualifies them as special needs. apart from that they are normal, happy healthy kids, living, loving and enjoying life with you. And looking gorgeous with it.

Veronica (506 comments.) writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 21:01

Well said.

Gemisht (78 comments.) writes:

January 9th, 2009 at 22:34

Yep, what Mr Lady said. They are both gorgeous looking kids, and knowing you, gorgeous personalities and spirits as well.

Bah humbug to those that think that you guys are “better off’ than them.

Everything is relative to each of us and the things that we have experienced. So one person’s experience shouldn’t be “better” or “worse” than another’s experience, It is traumatic for all of us regardless of the degrees of the experience.

Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. If having a label for either or both of your kids of “special needs” means that you and they get the help and/or support to make life even a little easier, then go for it.

kompostela (35 comments.) writes:

January 10th, 2009 at 00:16

Agree with everything you wrote

HappyCampers (48 comments.) writes:

January 10th, 2009 at 00:33

Labels are so frustrating…..

Laura (3 comments.) writes:

January 10th, 2009 at 02:42

Beautiful post T and so very very true!!

Well done to you and your family for not labelling them!

lceel (334 comments.) writes:

January 10th, 2009 at 06:45

What Mr Lady said. X 10.

Hyphen Mama (305 comments.) writes:

January 10th, 2009 at 14:45

Perfectly worded, Tiff!

Xbox4NappyRash (13 comments.) writes:

January 11th, 2009 at 00:13

Just wonderfully written.

Holly (125 comments.) writes:

January 25th, 2009 at 07:42

Mr. Lady said it well. If there is a God, or a higher being, I believe that they ensure you are only given what you can handle. So what that others may have one special needs child that is ‘worse off’ than yours? You have more to deal with than just one “special needs” child, despite one not fitting the “criteria”.

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March 24th, 2009 at 10:46

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