I have a friend who lost her 12-month-old in a drowning accident last year. I have learned much from her about the grieving process.

She shared this article that has a beautiful analogy about the grief after the loss of a child, and how that is a lifelong process. Please take a minute to read it. I think it is so fitting for you.

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Feb-26-Sun-2006/living/5987837.html

I’m so glad you’re giving yourself the gift of a getaway, and it’s more than that - it’s faith that everything will be okay when you return.

Oh, good for you! That is fantastic. More details, please.

I think it’s so ridiculous that people have put a time limit on grief. Even giving averages is counter-productive.

Grief is different for everyone.

I think it’s awesome that you’re doing something positive with your grief–honoring your son with a holiday. That’s very beautiful.

I think it’s beautiful that you mention him often. I think it’s beautiful that he’s still an important part of your life.

5 years. I often wonder how I will feel about my sweet Noah at the five year mark. Throw away the idea of textbook. You are grieving and celebrating his life just as you should. You offer me hope for what my journey will become.

I think it is wonderful you are taking a holiday to celebrate William’s birthday. I hope it is peaceful and healing.

Sounds like the perfect way to honor your son’s memory. Go, sit on that beach, remember, shed tears, relax…and make some new happy memories with the kids you can hold.

I can’t imagine it really gets any easier….you just find better ways of coping.

HUGS

Oh Tiff I’m so pleased that you’re doing this for you and for your family. There is NO such thing as text book grieving. None. You are an individual and you will grieve as an individual.

Grief and celebration are intertwined. Just like everything else.

Praying your holiday is everything you need it to be and SO MUCH MORE.

The holiday sounds like a good thing for you and your family.

“Supposed to’s” are my most hated thing in the world. You are supposed to deal with William’s loss in a tidy way, so that other people aren’t inconvenienced and uncomfortable. So that they can check the block, “okay, Tiff is fine now, because it’s been five years and that’s long enough.”

Screw them. You are ready to stop grieving, or get back to normal, or deal with it, or whatever, when you are ready. It sounds to me like you and your family are dealing with it, and have as normal a life as you can, as a family who has been through the wringer endlessly.

There are people who have been through nothing, who have suffered nothing, who don’t get it. Who think they have the right to tell others how they are supposed to live. These people, who may be very kind in other ways, who may be great people in other ways, these people suck. Listen to the people who mean the most to you, whose opinion matters to you. The rest of us can go pound sand.

Have a wonderful holiday - and I don’t think that those ‘textbook’ grievers have really stopped grieving. I think they’ve just learned that that is what’s expected of them and they keep it inside. Hugs.

Five years IS a big deal…..

and no one can plot grief…………no one.

Go and watch that sunrise……with your family and remember your sweet boy.
gentle hugs

Good for you! I hope you have a peaceful holiday to celebrate William. No matter what the books say, everyone grieves in their own way. There’s no such thing as a magically time limit when you will feel instantly better.

Hugs

Hope your holiday is perfect this time. 5 years is a huge deal!

It’s because you know what loss truly is. You know what it would mean if. If. Not will. It isn’t even an if most days. But even as just a maybe, it means more, because you already have a load of grief. You have an account. You don’t want to take more of yourself, of your blessings, to put into that account. That is how I think of it for you. I know I’m not, but when I put myself in your shoes, it’s what I feel.

I guess I know a little bit. I had a miscarriage. I built up an account of love, when I didn’t know I had any, to give to a little person who was no longer there. But lots of us have had that. & it isn’t the same as Ivy. Or WIlliam. It’s is the pain that is the same.

Regardless of if it is the safe thing to do under anyone’s standards, how ridiculous is it that you shouldn’t have one measly holiday. For christsakes, it is a pretty simple justice, I say.

Enjoy your little getaway and don’t forget the sunscreen. Build sandcastles, daydream, sing happy birthday to William. Everything will be fine.

Tiff, take the textbook and throw it away. There is no such thing as ’standard grief’. December 10th, 1980 is as sharp and fresh in our minds as though it happened yesterday. The day our Sarah Katherine died. The day she came to the world as a ’stillborn’. She would have been 28. The moments of clarity last longer. But she is always, always there.

I just want to wrap my arms around your heart and squeeze until you sigh with relief.

Sending you much love,
Ash

You’re allowed to take as long as it takes. I think its good though you are going on vacation

5 years IS huge. For you, for your entire family. I’m glad you’re taking the trip.

It’s a huge deal.

Take the time.

What a brave decision, dear. I hope you have a lovely time.

Five years to get over the death of a child? What are they, insane?

My mother had a miscarriage before she had me. It was relatively early, within the first trimester. A year or two ago, she called to tell me that she and my father were watching a movie, Penny Serenade, I think. They got to the part where the wife loses the baby and she looked over to see tears running down my father’s face. When she reached over to take his hand, he spoke about that first baby they’d lost, the one before me, over thirty years ago. How much it still hurt.

Five years? Not even thirty, not even a lifetime.

love the article from the first comment. You are teaching me much about how to keep lost ones a part of the family. Enjoy your holiday. hugs.

5 years. Such a long time and yet, no time at all. I don’t think losing a child is something you can ‘just get over’. Not at all.

I think the holiday sounds like a beautiful idea. I will be keeping everything crossed that Ivy gets a continuation.

Throw away the textbook, its your grief and nobody can tell you how long that will or won’t last. You are entiltled to it, and with a chronically ill child its no wonder its enduring.

Five years is a big deal, and I love that you’re going away to honour William. Sitting on a beach is a wonderful place to do it.

Much love to you and your grieving heart. Ihope your getaway gives you some peace you deserve, and honors the past five years.

Wow. 5 years. I hope it is a wonderful holiday for you all.

Every year is a big deal.

The milestone years are harder.

5 is a milestone year,

And Tiff, stuff everyone and trying to be a textbook griever, do what YOU need to do.

For me 10 years was a biggie, so will 13, 15, 18, 21, they could have been married by now.

Grief is a part of our lives now.

Hugs

you simply cannot put a time limit on grief. Each person grieves differently. I cannot imagine what you went through 5 years ago. What I do see is that you love your children tremendously. Grieve for as long as you want. I hope you got through Friday okay. Big hugs.

What a beautiful thing to do. This way of honoring him and taking the time to go.

Grieving, like everything else in life, is different for everyone. Just like some who shed no tears, it certainly does not mean they feel less pain. Those who are ‘over it’ sooner or later – neither feels less pain, just deals with it differently.

I think it’s great that you are taking a chance, on so many things, so many factors, and I hope you look forward to this break, and return with even just a tiny bit more peace in your heart. You so deserve much, much more. But baby steps to a peace in your heart and soul will do.