…that ear goop could hold so many bugs or that one bacteria could make me feel so many things.

Like;

ewww, that is growing in my baby’s ear?

I feel so dirty.

Must scrub everything down with bleach.

Right. Now.

Or;

I failed her.

I can’t keep her well.

Even with the IVIG she is still picking up Staph, the bacteria from a third world country and  two different strains of fungi.

Even with all of the extra stuff, she is still losing weight.

With all of the extra iron, she is still struggling to keep her levels up.

The two bacteria and two fungi have earnt Ivy a visit to the ENT doctor tomorrow.

The very same who shakes his head and tells me to sell her on Ebay.

The same one who tells us not to come unless her ears are clear.

He’ll suck out the goop and prescribe more ear drops.

The paed says it happens, there are sometimes breakthrough infections, she’s had it before, it’s seen in kids who are immune deficient but still,

I feel bad.

Isn’t a mother supposed to be able to protect her children?