Ivy has to have an Echo of her heart.
The paed is a little concerned that her heart rate is always high and he can hear a murmur.
Not all the time but sometimes.
The thought of Ivy having the echo, the thought of her having a problem with her heart makes my own heart jump into my throat.
Not that I think there is a problem.
At least, I am hoping there isn’t.
I know worrying about it is not the answer but you know, I am going to worry.
Of course there are some factors.
William died, in large part, because he had critical aortic stenosis, that was undiagnosed until he was four days old
and you know what?
October is a bad time of year for this.
It’s rememberance day at the kid’s hospital this coming weekend and it stirs up a whole lot of emotion.
My heart is aching for my little guy and I miss him.
Plain and simple.
The cardioloist who will do the echo on Ivy is the same who found William’s abnormality, the same who did the twins’ foetal cardiac echo.
He was so very lovely and kind every time we have seen him but I am sick about it.
When we were told about Will’s stenosis, it was a huge shock. The cardiologist drew pictures and told us about the procedure that needed to be performed to save his life at some ungodly hour.
It was, for me a life altering moment.
His heart, his life keeper was hurt.
The pain is something I will carry with me forever.
My heart broke a little.
When we went to the Children’s Hospital and we were told that his condition was so severe that he would only have a 10% chance on the table, if he had been in a good condition on arrival, I think my heart stopped for a second.
When my son died I think a part of my heart died.
I drove myself mad waiting for Ivy and Noah’s foetal echo and now there is another wait.
December.
I know, not such a long time.
Not really but it will be because, if I am honest with myself, I know, come December, I will have worried myself into a knot of absolute stress.
I am just that way.
A bit of a case sometimes.
Yeah, I know you all know that.
