Take one Mummy, confine her to the laundry.
Get into her ribbon stash (that another chef has neglected to pack away) and pull Every. Single. Ribbon from its roll and call it ‘pasta’.
Take scrapbooking cardboard flowers (hundreds of the little suckers) from the back room, sprinkle a few into the ‘bowl’ you have aquired from the plastics cupboard and the rest (read majority) onto the floor for creative effect(an important part of being a successful chef).
Shred rediscovered tissue paper, from birthdays past, into tiny little pieces and declare them ‘lettuce’. Place a handful into the bowl and the rest can go on the floor.
Mix heartily.
Present to Mummy in the laundry.
For added effect, try to stuff some of the ribbon ‘pasta’ right to the back of her craw, until she gags.
Proceed to sing The Wiggles ‘Fruit Salad’ (yummy, yummy) song at the top of your lungs (to drown out the tears when the Mummy discovers the aftermath) and ask innocently ‘What’s wrong, Mummy?’ when she falls to the floor sobbing.
After pretending to feed the Mummy the concoction for a large part of the morning, proceed to fight over lengths of ‘pasta’ that you want made into tails, because you are now horses. (Of course it is vitally important that you both have the same piece of ribbon).
In true executive chef style, throw a hissyfit when asked to clean up your ‘creative’ mess.
This is how you make “house salad”.
