Ken and I still joke about not knowing how to interact in social settings. We had so many years where it was all doctor appointments and ransacking the medical world for answers.

You know what I think? I think you are a bright, funny, witty, charming, and beautiful lady. You’ve got it all, girl — but the social scene just isn’t your focus right now. You’re focused on being an A-list mom in some of the toughest circumstances I know of and I’m proud to know you. I think you’re going to be just fine!

I so relate to this post.

And what people have written is true.

((Hugs)) Be kind to yourself.

((Hugs))

Hugs.

It has been a real effort to not focus on that one sentence — especially since it usually wasn’t anything in the first place, if I really honestly think about it — or it was just me, and not everyone likes me. I am sometimes kinda noisy, I rarely take anything seriously, I don’t give a straight answer if I have a smart ass one.

People with little or no sense of humor really tend not to like me much at all. Which is okay, since people with little or no sense of humor are boring and tedious and OMG so freaking serious all the time. Pragmatic and humorless people and I have a mutual dislike thing going on.

Which is fine. Now. After lots of years of beating myself up over the stupid things I say, I gradually forced myself to think of the positive reactions I get instead of thinking of my own negative reactions. I remember that the occasional negative reactions are far outweighed by the positive.

Example two…I loved flying. It was fun (it was also the 80’s. Remember the 80’s? There was actually leg room and empty seats on planes.) Then I had a really quite scary take off and turbulent flight and suddenly I hated flying. Loathed it. Every bit of turbulence made me a quivering panic ball of goo. (Inside, because I am also very Scandinavian and Minnesotan and Lutheran, and we don’t do the big emotional scene thing. Way embarrassing.)

Then a couple months ago I was flying somewhere — because even though I hate flying, I love going places, and I refuse to let anything as stupid as my own dumb phobias stop me — and I just decided I was enabling myself to be a big dope about flying.

Amazingly enough, I was able to stop myself being that big panic ball of goo about turbulence. I still hate flying, and am relieved when we are on the ground, but I don’t panic any more. Plus I love airports — something about the energy and the purpose and the possibilities just make them so interesting. If I don’t fly, I don’t get to go to airports.

Oh, hell, now I sound like I am telling you to buck up. That’s not what I am saying. I had a run of about six months where everything went wrong — from my son failing science to the driver’s door handle snapping off (it’s so fun — I get to roll my window down to open the car door from the outside…) to a massive screw up with the insurance so I couldn’t get my very necessary drug treatments for several months.

At some point the stress gets so bad, the hits keep coming to the point where you have no reserves. You feel like the next problem is the one that is going to snap you in two and you will be in a heap hiding in the corner of your closet.

Crap. I had a point when I started writing this. I lost it somewhere about eighty paragraphs ago…

I don’t know what it was.

(See? I am full of quirkiness and craziness. I am also mildly HDD and OCD, so I get obsessive about stuff, but I can’t stay focused on anything for all that long, so my obsessions tend to morph and change over time. It also means I lose my train of thought halfway through writing the world’s longest comment…)

There’s some really good advice up there in the comments before mine. If you were a boring uninteresting old fart, Tiff, would all of us be here reading your blog? Nope. I mean, you have all these great shots of your adorable children, you take absolulutely fab-u-lous photos, Noah and Ivy are among the world’s most cutest toddlers, so how boring and uninteresting can you possibly be?

Oh, yeah, back to the heap in the closet…I just told my husband and a couple close friends that life was utter shit and it helped. I got up every morning and gradually it got less horrible. A couple of good things happened and I started to feel like I could cope again.

So maybe your solution is to just say to your husband or your friend with the lunch or somebody that you feel horrible and boring and uninteresting and they’ll go “dude, it is about time you noticed that….we have been trying to tell you that for months.” Wait, no, that’s not what they will say. They will say you are not boring, that you are going through a most horrible time, and if you feel you need to see a doc, maybe that’s a good idea.

(And if they do say the first thing, have a kangaroo kick them into the next county. Do you have counties in Australia? And suddenly my own insecurities strike and I think “Is Tiff Australian? Or is she going to think I am some kind of sad idiot who doesn’t know a damn thing? Is her name Tiff, or am I confusing her with somebody else? ” And I have to go back and check, so I am not some sad idiot.)

Right now, you get to be selfish. You get to be focused on Ivy and your other adorable kidlets, and if people find that boring, you get to find them tedious and hard-hearted. When things are better, when life is not so horribly stressful, then you can worry about being fun and interesting and appealing to random adults.

You don’t have to be all things to all people. You don’t even have to try.

Geez. I have written the world’s longest comment here! Sorry!

This is where you are heading. Purely because of the love of your children.

Harsh as it may sound, you need to suck it up and go out. Get out of the house away from the kids even if it is just for an hour.

It will get a little bit easier every time.

Just do it. Believe me. You need to.

It is coincidental that I was only thinking about this same thing this morning. I am going to a quiz night tomorrow night . I am as nervous as hell about going. I have put on heaps of weight and I am nervous…..I am off the grog (again) so I wont even have the security of a couple of beers to help me relax..

mmmm (((hugs)))) kim

I had post natal depression after having my children and can really relate to your feelings of not wanting to go out, feeling as though you have nothing worthwhile to say, worried about not fitting in etc…. I felt that because all my energies were focussed primarily on my babies and their health and trying to keep myself on an even keel that I forgot how to have a normal or even mundane conversation. As a non working mum I lost contact with my colleagues as I felt I no longer had anything to contribute and I lost more of my confidence. Then in turn I started to feel uncomfortable around friends.The issues were to do with weight and body image, lack of confidence etc. Too quickly it became easier to stay at home or just do play dates and essential outings with the kids.

I still feel uncomfortable in many social situations but I am learning to bite the bullet and put myself out there in the least uncomfortable of situations. And it does get easier. Hang in there. There is nothing wrong with you that peace, relaxation and nurturing won’t heal. Oh, and time. Give yourself time. Find someone to talk to regularly either friend or professional and nurture yourself as you do your family. You are just as important.

Oh, and other quirks and phobias? Too many to mention…seriously!!

Big big hugs to you.

See? You aren’t mad at all

more hugs