Red is the colour that Ivy’s blood cells should be. Big fat juicy blood cells, plump with haemoglobin and oxygen. Red is the colour of blood that she may need now to correct this mess.
Red is the colour I see when I can’t get the doctors to help my girl.
Yellow was the colour of her skin and whites of her eyes for the last week. A whole week without anyone wanting to help us. A whole week of worry and stress. (edited to add, I tell a lie, there was one kind registrar and many kind friends).
Yellow, the colour of cowardice.
Yellow is the colour of the vacutainers that finally collected Ivy’s blood to give us answers yesterday.
Pink is the colour I want my baby’s cheeks to be. Flushed with good health, not a fever. Pink is the colour I want on her bottom, not red, blistered burnt skin.
Pink is the colour for euphoria. The feeling I get when everything is right with our world.
Pink is the colour of the walls in the pathology unit at the hospital.
Blue is the colour that my daughter turned when the Dapsone caused her blood cells to be ineffective in carrying oxygen.
Blue is how I feel when I can’t help her, when I have to rely on others to make her feel better.
Blue is how I feel when everything is out of control.
The paed is still running for his life but he called me, from his mobile, to inform me that Ivy now has haemolytic anaemia.
For those of you who missed the Dapsone post, here is a quick summary of this pleasant side effect…
Haemolysis is the breakdown of the red blood cells. Basically the red blood cell is destroyed and can’t carry haemoglobin (iron), and you become anaemic really quickly.
Ivy has gone from 132g/L on April 8th to 96g/L today, so officially, she is anaemic. We can add white to the rainbow of colours my daughter’s skin has turned. (Yes, I know technically white is not a colour, just play along with me here).
White is the colour of fury – towards myself for giving her the stupid Dapsone in the first place. I should have known.
The paed is not sure if it is going to get worse before it gets better but he told us to pack a bag before Thursday’s appointment just in case.
