Mother’s Day is coming and, usually, I look forward to a day of being spoiled and totally feeling like the world’s best mother but this year?

This year I don’t feel like the world’s best anything.

In fact I feel like sh*t.

The last few weeks have really knocked my confidence, as a mother.

I feel as though I am  free falling.

Out of control.

In true blog - happy style though I am going to give you a photo of how I picture motherhood because that’s what they are doing over at 5 Minutes For Mom and even though I can’t enter their competition because I am an Aussie, I am going to join in because, today I really need to remind myself how wonderfully amazing motherhood is.

Motherhood is this;

 that first breath taking, life altering glimpse at new life,

a change in this world - your world.

Knowing that nothing will ever be the same again, whether it is your first foray into motherhood or you sixth time down the road, your journey will be different from anything that has gone before it.

Motherhood is looking into the eyes of your child,

and knowing perfection,  for just that instant

and nothing else matters.

Motherhood is the past, the present and the future all wrapped up in this tiny being.

It is joy, hope, sacrifice, love, fear, sometimes painful, miraculous, often messy, exhausting

but worth it.

All of it is.

We are finally home again after five long days of hospital and I really don’t know where to start.

Ivy’s bloods are all back within normal ranges now. Her haemoglobin is 111g/L. Her levels for the haemolysis is on the high end of normal(read only just). Her electrolytes, liver function and iron studies all normal.

She grew two lots of bacteria in her blood and for the second time in a matter of weeks was considered septic.

She started on a new medication, an immunosuppressant to try to stop the active cycle of pemphigus. At minimal dose, so far, so good.

I am thread bare, my friends. I will hopefully be in a better frame of mind tomorrow.

Wow that week went fast! All I have for you this week are the photos that I took last Sunday. The big girls and the toddlers went to the beach, while Dave fixed Mum’s computer and the boys stayed to watch the football with their grandfather.

There are so many fantastic photography entries for this weekly meme over at Sarcastic Mom’s. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to look at many last week.

They call it Caves Beach…

Does anyone remember that little guy who was scared of the water last September?

 Windswept beauty…

Special times together.

Each other’s hero.

He loves to run free.

Quiet reflections.

Comfortable sisterhood

Rock warriors

Sister Love.

Little Sand Explorer…

and Rock Explorer.

No More Photos, Mum!

Beach Boy.

Makin’ Tracks

Beach Walking.

Leaping Lily.

Still a Tom Boy, even in pink…with skulls all over.

Discovery.

Post Cart Wheel

My stripey girl.

 Queen of the World…well, of the beach, at least.

My favourite… (some of you have already seen this one, ok, most of you)

Dave writes: 

We fails it (it is staying out of hospital).

 Yes, Ivy has returned to hospital today. Just in time for the long weekend. So it’s a good thing we didn’t make any plans.  Besides, the weather is lousy.

A lingering infection, unresponsive to oral antibiotics. Also murmurs of a new immunosuppressant drug to try … if we dare.

 Yet her spirit remains indomitable. As I arrived at her bedside from work this arvo, she looked up from her entertainment facilities; a big grin as she sees me, then holds up her cannulated, splinted and bandaged forearm for me to see and exclaims “It’s all better!”

 Tiff has taken the first bedside shift, leaving me free to heard the rest of the tribe home and into bed, before embarking on the evenings hectic blog maintenance schedule.

 And the latest telephone report from Tiff: As at 10pm, the weekend warrior doctors have arrived and are already cancelling and re-charting Ivy’s meds.

It goes like this:

Child sent to hospital at the end of the week. Majority of doctors (including ours) shoot through sometime late Thursday/early Friday to go skiing, hobby farming or whatever it is successful doctors do on weekends. Junior Registrar comes on duty. Reviews childs’ notes and test results. Proposes a reasonable sounding treatment plan for the next 12 hours. Runs it by their supervisor over the phone. Supervisor rejects plan and orders something completely different. Reg is embarased and unconvinced but has no option but to follow orders. If on-call senior attending even bothers to turn up to review the situation (never before 9am the next day), justifies their decision with a haughty lecture of my-gut-instinct-beats-scientific-process-any-day and other such FIGJAM puffery.

 Remarkable.

 Now, where’s my shotgun?

Sorry, I forget myself.

Sheesh, it’s not like we’re living in Bundy, is it?

-DBT.