and we sat and spoke the speak of the everyday, the polite banter of two women, who had met not too long ago but who had much in common and had become fast friends. We ate some lunch and danced around some prickly issues until it was time for us to leave.
It was nice.
To be out.
To see a friend.
Later that night we started up a conversation via email.
It was a wicked, naughty, fly by the seat of your pants, conversation of abandonment about…well… about lust. Two women who met not so long ago, letting their hair down…showing their true selves in the safety of words.
It got me thinking; why can’t we talk to each other face to face that way? Why can’t we, as people, look one another in the eyes and bare our souls the way we can in email? Not just this friend and I but people in general?
tell someone your hearts desire, your thoughts, your vivid memories, good and bad.
To wear your heart on your sleeve.
To just be you.
Why are there all these social barriers when we are with others? Why do we hide our true selves, only to venture out in written prose?
Posted on March 10th, 2008 by Tiff
Filed under: ponderings
Human nature I guess.
Since ET has read my blog we have gotten on a million times better.
Glad to hear it isn’t just me. When I get together with a someone who I would consider one of my closest friends, who I met online. We can never seem to have same let it all out conversations that we do online. Well apart form that one time I was a little drunk LOL!
I don’t have IRL only people that I can talk to like that these days (apart from the man pet) I wonder if that is a internet by product, that we cannot get as close to IRL people?
The reason Catholics have a screen between them and the priest when they go to confession is to preserve anonimity. And because anonimity is preserved, you can say anything. I think the same thing is at work with email/blogging. The idea is that you know the person, you feel comfortable with the person, you trust the person and you saythings to that person you would NEVER say to their face because they can’t see you - you are behind the screen.
Hmmmm…I haven’t met someone face to face after meeting them online. I do know that after years AND years on the couch, I would work very hard not to let that happen. BUT since I am off the couch and on the meds, who the heck knows.
My guess? Insecurity. The worry that we wouldn’t be liked for being who we are. When quite frankly we need to worry about things that have much dire consequences. Who gives a crap if you don’t think I am cool, becuase I KNOW I am cool. LOL! But that is my two cents.
Did you see the paed today??? Do tell…
I’ve always had trouble talking face to face with anyone, about anything. I don’t think the problem will ever go away……..
LOLOL. i only just read this, Tiff!
Here are my theories. One, being face to face, especially with children around, means that you have your attention pulled in a thousand different directions, and all your senses are being informed by that. It’s hard to give the same kind of attention to the conversation.
I’ve noticed that quite often you have to spend a lot of time (hours) or have frequent encounters with someone before you can drop into a really easy conversation with them. I think we have different conversation requirements when we’re in someone’s physical presence. Things often proceed more slowly. We get far more feedback to what we say. We have to use social preliminaries. Why are they there? I’m not sure, but I think in many ways they’re not a bad thing…..they protect us, as long as we don’t choose to hide behind them.
I see the same thing with my book group and with another group I am part of. Usually the most significant and best conversation happens late in the evening, just as we’re about to break up. Because–we needed all that time as a run-up before we settle in to the good stuff.
With email, yes, there is that element of anonymity, but also you can focus only on the message.
I think once the relationship develops further, email becomes less satisfying. My friends whom I know well, don’t email well, even when we’ve moved apart. This is because the conversation isn’t long, rich, & satisfying enough. We are used to something better. DH says that at work (of course he uses email constantly) in many situations it doesn’t work: it’s better to speak face to face & deeply understand, from body language etc, what that person is really thinking or really wants. The message is too minimal.
Also, lolol, some conversations take place much better late at night than in brilliant sunshine!
I think the ultimate answer is spending more time with your friend
I miss having those kinds of conversations.