Totally ripped off from a post of Veronica’s (with kind permission, of course).

I will never ever wipe an old man’s bottom, clean up his mess and tuck him back into bed if he has the cheeky look of a dog with yellow eyes. (Have you heard the old country saying - never trust a dog with yellow eyes? You have now).

I will never fall for it a second time

Okay, okay. I will never fall for it a third time.

I will never ever let anyone call me ‘nursey’ again, well, perhaps, I might let David call me nursey, if we were into that kinky kind of dress up for the night thing.

Maybe.

But no old man is going to call me nursey again and get a response.

Probably a good thing that we don’t see many of those in maternity.

I will never take an overflowing cup of warm sputum sample from an old man or woman again, (especially if he has just called me nursey) nor will I discuss, in any detail, the stringy bits of blood within that sample and then go on my lunch break, ever again.

Can anyone say hello to Huey?

I will never tell weird nursing ghost stories, on night duty, just after dressing a deceased patient again.

Trust me, it is insomnia inducing.

Also, when some smarty smarmy male nurse thinks it’s funny to make creaking noises when you are already freaked out, you WILL run, very fast and very far.

I will never ever work a paediatric shift again, have a small person throw up on me and go home before showering first. I have learnt that, even though you change from uniform to scrubs and clean any vomit off skin with disinfectant hibicleanse, gastro will still follow you home and infect your three girls and husband 24 hours later.

Also, when you have an immune compromised child, it’s okay to refuse to ’special’ a baby with RSV. Death stares can only last as long as the shift. In my case, 10 hours.

I will never ever do a rotation in Birthing Suite again and agree to do all the caesareans. It messes with your beliefs in childbirth.

I will never say yes to the kids having pizza again, when I know that gastro is going around the school.

I will never ever eat something my toddler presents to me without looking at and feeling the offerings first. Okay. You can just use you imagination on that one.

Not. Going. There. Again.

I will never tell anybody who will listen that I could ‘do’ twins again with my eyes closed.

That was like daring the universe.