Love Thursday is a theme that I discovered over at Shutter Sisters. If you are into photography then you should go and have a look. It’s simple, really. All you have to do is post a photo that depicts love in some way. It can be anything, because I love photos of people, mine will mostly be just that.

Seeing as I have been so down in the dumps, I thought Love Thursday would be a good way to look at all the love that surrounds me.

Daddy’s Girl

… Maybe I am crazy…

Everything about this nightmare is wrong. Why can’t I help her? Why?  I feel out of control, powerless. I can only imagine what she is going through.

When William was born my whole life changed. I have felt as though I have been falling ever since.

That night, that night, when the NICU nurse asked, ever so casually…’have any of the doctors mentioned his cardiac condition to you yet?’

No.

‘Oh, well, I shouldn’t say too much but he has a severe stenosis and will need to be transferred…I’ll go and find a doctor’.

Drawings of hearts and aortic valves and not enough oxygen and did we want to transfer?

Yes.

I wasn’t thinking he wouldn’t make it. I gave it up to the doctors, I put my son’s life in their hands. I moved with hope and with purpose that night.

We arrived at the new hospital. I had never held him, had barely had a chance to be with him, look at his features.

I put my son’s life in their hands, new doctors who I had never met before.

‘There is nothing we can do.’

But…

I trusted the process, I trusted you.

I can’t trust the doctor (any doctor). I don’t trust the process.  Anymore.

Do I trust myself?

No.