We phoned the paeds rooms to be told once again, in a mocking tone, that there was absolutely NO WAY that we could see him. he was booked out until September…2010! How stupid are we to think that we might actually be able to get in to see the only doctor who knows anything about Ivy?

When David (phone phobia, friends, remember?) mentioned that the dermatologist asked us to keep in close contact with the paed the receptionist snarled… "well, I think you’ve got that covered".

I have to say that when David relayed this to me, I was upset, no, I still am upset but my angry tears have stopped. For now.

I feel guilty for interrupting their more important lives with my niggly little problems…say, a child who won’t get better.

I feel hurt knowing that they think we are pains in the behind.

I feel bad for feeling those things because, really, I shouldn’t.

As David says, it shouldn’t matter what the small minded people think. It should only matter that we do what we have to do to make Ivy right. It’s true.

I can’t help feeling awful though. Like I have broken some rule that clients will not disturb their doctors. Ever.

I admit, the last few months have been full on and we have needed to call constantly for more scripts, to see what to do next, to throw ideas around. I know they are all over it. I can hear it in their voices but do they think we are having the time of our lives? Do they think we are calling just because we are lonely out here in the boonies?

I would love to ask them. I would like to know, would they not do the same for their babies? If they had a child who was chronically ill with SOMETHING that no one can adequately diagnose, wouldn’t they be worried? If their toddler cried all day long, had discharging ears, blistered bottom, a wet chest, would they not want to do ANYTHING they could to help that  little child?

I think they would.

So, why does the receptionist judge us?

Why does it hurt so much that she does?

I hate this.