Before I throw you into Ivy and Noah’s birth, I thought it would be good to give you a bit of history as to how we got to this point. To understand how I was feeling, I guess you need to know William’s story.

Read it if you like but basically;

I am a midwife.

Imogen and Madeline and Lily were all born by caesarean section.

I made a decision to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) and researched it for a long time before deciding it was the right thing to do.

In the second stage of labour (the pushing part) my uterus ruptured, along my old scar, a little into the upper segment and down to my cervix.

William was severely compromised because of this.

Although, ultimately, it was found that William had a critcal aortic valve stenosis and some mitral valve abnormalities too, that were undiagnosed on ultrasound, his birth did not do him any favours.

Even though the cardiologist said that Will only had a 10% chance on the operating table (very small as his stenosis was severe) if everything had been perfect and he had received the surgery as soon as he was stabilised, I blame myself.

I will live with this forever.

I still believe and advocate VBAC. Statistically, only .98% of women attempting a ‘trial of scar’ will have uterine rupture. 1:200 births, whether it be after one or two caesars.

William and I were the first uterine rupture with death of a baby in 467 VBACs in our hospital.

Misc Mum, Karen, my super - blogging hero has tagged me for a meme!

I am the new meme queen around these parts, me thinks.

Here are the instructions:

Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.

Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So here we go; 7 random and/or weird facts about me.

1. My name was supposed to be Shirley, or something equally 70’s -  esque but my father renamed me after the 1972 September issue’s Playboy centrefold. I must say, I don’t think I lived up to his standards at all. If I was supposed to turn out like my namesake, I think he was sorely disappointed.

2. I can chomp out the tune of Baa Baa Black Sheep by gnashing my teeth together and shaping my mouth in different ways. (Well? It did say weird, I’m giving you weird).

3. I’m in the genetic group of people who’s second toe is longer than my first. This supposedly means I listen to my heart before I listen to my head.

4. I have phone phobia. I have real trouble phoning anyone and sometimes I struggle with picking the phone up when it is ringing. This started just after William died and is a weird little quirk that I am having trouble shaking.

5. When I was little I had a recurring dream that a funnel web spider was chasing me and no matter what I threw on top of it, it would always just throw it off, re - inflate and continue the pursuit.

6. The first birth I attended was that of my dog’s. Mosby birthed four puppies, the second of which was breech. I helped to ease the pup’s head out (and he survived)!

7.  At 35 years of age I can still do the front/back splits to the floor. I can also hold my heel in my hand and extend my leg fully to behind my ear. Although it is getting harder.

Now I have to tag 7 people, which is almost harder than having to think of 7 random facts. (My husband would beg to differ)!

Careful What You Wish For’s Mountainmama

Veronica from Sleepless Nights. Right back at ya, baby!

Mama Lee from Full Plate.

In The Life Of A Child’s Childlife

Joh Blogs from Because I Can.

The very funny X - Box 4 Nappy Rash man.

Mad Goat Lady, whose last couple of posts have been very thought provoking.